120. MyMaine Birth: Kelli’s Three Birth Stories at EMMC in Bangor, Maine
Kelli: 0:00
I've learned so much over the last five years of being a mom, and the huge majority of my last five years of my life has been being pregnant and breastfeeding and taking care of babies, and it's really been my whole life, the last five. So I think the biggest thing I would share is everything is a phase. This isn't going to be your new permanent. You know the baby that doesn't sleep every night. You will sleep again eventually. The baby that's up crying she will sleep or he will sleep again eventually.
Kelli: 0:41
Teething comes and goes. It's everything is temporary and it's not permanent and you will feel normal again. I'd say like two years postpartum is when I started to really feel like myself again, and so this time with the postpartum, of course, I'm still only 12 weeks postpartum, so I'm not fully feeling like myself, but I know that I will. So that's the beauty in having done this multiple times is I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I will feel like myself again and you will feel like yourself again and you know everything's going to be okay. I think it is the overarching sentiment is everything will be okay, even when you feel like you're drowning and it's not going to be okay and nothing will ever go back to normal again. It will, and it's going to be okay.
Angela: 1:34
You got it. I'm Angela and I'm a certified birth photographer, experienced doula, childbirth educator and your host here on the my Maine Birth podcast. This is a space where we share the real-life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine, from our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births. Every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. Welcome back. You're listening to episode 120 of the my Main Birth podcast. If you've been considering sharing your birth story here on the podcast, let's connect.
Angela: 2:24
I accept all of the stories that are submitted to me hospital births, birth center births, all different types of home births and everything in between. The only requirement for sharing a birth story on this podcast is that at least one of your birth stories is a main birth story. As an added bonus, all of my podcast guests receive a gift certificate for a family adventure photo session on the session day of your choice. I host session days for my podcast guests at iconic locations across Maine throughout the spring, summer and fall. I have spots left at all of my session days for the rest of the year. So if you're wanting some fall family photos, this is the perfect opportunity to grab some. So if you want to join the community of Maine Moms sharing birth stories on the podcast, you can fill out the form on the podcast page over on my website, mymainbirthcom, or you can always send me a message over on Instagram at MyMainBirth.
Angela: 3:24
Today's birth story guest is Kelly, and she's here to share all about her three birth stories at Eastern Maine Medical Center in Bangor. Hi Kelly, welcome to MyMainBirth. Hello, so to start, would you share a little bit about you and your family?
Kelli: 3:44
Yes. So hi everyone. My name is Kelly Denley. I am a mama of three beautiful little girls. I have been with my husband since I was 16 years old. We're high school sweethearts and our oldest is five, our middle is three and we just had a baby 12 weeks ago. So we have a very busy life. They keep us very busy, but they're beautiful and healthy and we couldn't ask for much more. We live in Central Maine and I own my own marketing company, katie Marketing, that I run from my home, and I'm also a stay-at-home mom with them as well. So lots of balls to juggle, but honestly, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Angela: 4:28
Oh my goodness, Amazing. That sounds so incredible. Would you share about when you found out you were pregnant for the first time and like what your thoughts were in choosing your care?
Kelli: 4:39
Yes. So we had decided in 2019 that we were ready to start a family. We had been married for two years at that point. So we're like okay, I think we're ready now. I originally got pregnant in May of 2019, and we sadly lost that pregnancy and that was really hard for me because that was the first time I had ever been pregnant. So all the scary thoughts run through your head Is this going to keep happening? Can I even get pregnant? But we are very fortunate to be pregnant again in August, and that's when I got pregnant with my oldest Avery pregnant.
Kelli: 5:25
Previously I kind of knew what to look for, how I was going to feel, because every pregnancy is so different and everyone experiences different symptoms. But for me, the nausea hits pretty hard. So I woke up and I was starting to feel a little nauseous, my chest was a little tender and obviously we had been trying. So I remember it was like seven o'clock in the morning and I shot out of bed and I was like you know what? I think I'm just going to take a test just for fun and we'll see what happens. And it was positive right away. And I remember just being so excited and running and jumping on my husband, who was fully still asleep at this point because we didn't have kids so we could sleep in still and he I was like crying because I just was so excited that I was able to be pregnant again. And he knew immediately. I didn't even have to say anything. He knew. He was like you're pregnant, aren't you? And I said, yes, I am. And I showed him the test and then, five years later, here she is.
Angela: 6:27
Oh my gosh, that's so special. So, how was that pregnancy looking for you? How are you feeling so?
Kelli: 6:35
with my oldest. My pregnancy was pretty textbook. I had morning sickness for pretty much my entire first trimester. Although I didn't really physically get sick a lot, I just kind of felt nauseous all day long, which almost kind of felt worse because I felt like I was always just on the brink of about to throw up but never actually got sick, and that was all day. I ended up losing like 10 pounds in my first trimester with her because I was just so nauseous I couldn't even think about eating. Coffee just tasted like dirt to me.
Kelli: 7:11
Food was the least appealing thing ever. I think I ate so many baked potatoes and like boiled carrots because they taste like nothing. I don't want to eat food that has any flavor. I just need to eat to like stay alive at this point, and luckily I was able to shake that around like 14 or 15 weeks and then I had a pretty good sweet spot for a while there and into my second trimester, my third trimester I'm trying to remember now. I think it was pretty typical, other than it being COVID. She's a COVID baby, so she was born in May of 2020. In March of 2020 is when the world kind of went crazy pants and I remember being so scared because I'm know I'm a first time mom this is my first time carrying a pregnancy this far and everyone suddenly and masks and you're not allowed to leave your house, so it was pretty scary.
Angela: 8:17
Yeah, I'm sure it was. What were your thoughts in choosing your care? Had you thought about it before you got pregnant?
Kelli: 8:24
I had never even thought about a birth plan before. I'd gotten pregnant before. And then when COVID hit and all the hospitals were being overrun with COVID patients and everyone was in PPE from head to toe, I got a little nervous about delivering in a hospital. I had looked into birthing centers but truthfully, my insurance just didn't cover it and we didn't have the cost to cover out of pocket. So we did end up going with a hospital birth and I did have a very positive experience, thankfully.
Kelli: 8:58
But I could not tell you what one of my nurses or doctors look like, because everyone was like masks, hairnets, shields, like full body gear. I had to take three COVID tests while I was there. I had to labor with a mask on, so it was a very different experience, for that being my first pregnancy, it's kind of all I knew, so I didn't have anything to compare it to. But now, having had kids out of COVID, I'm like wow, what a weird sci-fi experience that was. I really felt like I was in some sort of alien movie, because everyone just you didn't know what they look like other than the picture on their badges, and my husband could not leave the hospital, like once we were checked in. They're like you're here, like you can't leave. So we had to have people like drop food off at the security door and he would like go down and get it and bring it up, like if we didn't have something with us at the hospital. We just didn't have it. So we packed quite a bit that first time.
Angela: 10:04
What was your care looking like throughout the pregnancy? Because you sort of started like before COVID and then yeah, so like what was that kind of like?
Kelli: 10:12
So my appointments were pretty standard. You know, at first you go in. I think because of my history of a miscarriage, they did see me a little bit earlier. They saw me at seven weeks as opposed to like the nine or 10 that they usually do, and I had regular appointments every six weeks and then every four weeks. And then I want to say I was somewhere in like my late 20 weeks to maybe like 30 weeks along.
Kelli: 10:38
I was definitely my third trimester when COVID and like lockdown and everything happened, and after that it was you had to sit in your car and wait for your appointment. You couldn't sit in the waiting room and, yeah, I couldn't bring my husband with me anymore, so it was just me going to the appointments. And again, this was my first time being pregnant, so this was all very jarring being pregnant. So this was all very jarring. And then my doctor obviously started wearing a mask and gloves and all the PPE for every visit. I had to wear a mask for every visit. The care itself stayed pretty standard. They did an ultrasound for every visit that I went to check my blood pressure. I did end up having high blood pressure at the end of my pregnancy, so I was induced with my first at 39 weeks, just due to the concern of my blood pressure getting too high. Who did you?
Angela: 11:34
choose for your care.
Kelli: 11:36
So I went to Downeast OBGYN and I saw Dr Rumsey. I have nothing but positive things to say about the office. I love the office, I love the nurse. He answered all my questions. He was really straightforward and I like that. I don't like to beat around the bush. If I ask you a question, I just want the answer. Good, bad, ugly Just tell me what it is. So he was very straightforward but also comforting at the same time too, because again things kind of got flipped on their head a little bit and he was very reassuring that like, listen, you're going to be okay, your baby's going to be okay, like I know the world looks a little scary right now, but like you're going, it's going to be okay. So that was very comforting to hear and feel in the midst of chaos.
Angela: 12:24
So yeah, what were the final weeks and then days leading up to when your labor started looking like?
Kelli: 12:32
The last few weeks I ended up at this point. I was working for a company and they let me transition to working from home full time. So, like the last like six weeks of my pregnancy transitioned to working from home full-time. So the last six weeks of my pregnancy I did not leave my house at all, other than for visits at the OB office. I was in lockdown and the last visit at the office I was 39 weeks and my blood pressure was just a little too high for comfort. And so he called and he said how do you feel about going to the hospital tonight? And I was 39 weeks along and I was like, oh, wow, okay, I should probably call my husband and let him know we're having a baby like tomorrow. And so we went in that night and they gave the, gave me the medicine to soften my cervix and I had pre-labor all night. I slept fine now, um, and baby was good. She was good.
Kelli: 13:34
That next morning he came around 8 AM and he broke my water and I had a very fast labor from there. Even though it was my first, it was, it was pretty quick. They did start me on Pitocin right after he broke my water and I'd say that was probably like eight o'clock and she was born like noon. So I went from like two centimeters dilated to fully dilated within a span of just a few hours. When she was there I did end up having an epidural around like probably like seven centimeters.
Kelli: 14:08
I didn't want to wait too long so they wouldn't give it to me, but I didn't want to have it too early to slow down my progress. So I tried to time it pretty pretty good, um. And then he was like this is your first, so it's eight o'clock now. I'll probably see you at like five or six o'clock tonight, Okay, and when the nurses came in and checked me at like 1130, they said don't push, the doctor's not here. Don't do anything until the doctor gets here. And I was able to have her out in like probably three pushes maybe, maybe like 15 minutes of pushing. Very lucky, very fortunate for that. Um and I only tore a little bit. So overall a very positive birth experience. Despite all the obstacles that we were thrown, um, I have no complaints about her, her birth at all.
Angela: 15:00
Wow. So how was your postpartum with her?
Kelli: 15:04
Again, it was a very positive. I feel pretty by the book Postpartum Experience. They stitched me up and I was able to walk within like an hour of the epidural being taken out. That first postpartum shower feels amazing. You feel like a new person afterwards. Her care was great. I kept her with me pretty much the entire night. Again, we did end up having to stay, so now what they do is they take you from the labor and delivery to the recovery room, but because it was COVID, we stayed in the same room the entire time, which honestly worked out really great because those rooms are a lot bigger than recovery rooms and the showers are a lot nicer. But overall it was a great experience. We were in and out within like a 48-hour window and no complaints. Truly.
Angela: 15:58
How were things once you got home and settling in with a new baby?
Kelli: 16:02
It was an experience. I exclusively nurse all of my babies, so learning how to breastfeed for the first time was really interesting. It was very painful, but I was very passionate about it. I was like, no, I want to breastfeed my kids. So I stuck through it and I don't know if a lot of women know this, but Medela offers a 24-hour lactation consultant for free resource and I actually ended up reaching out to them and they sent me like a whole guide. I filled out this questionnaire like this is what I'm experiencing, this is what I'm struggling with, and the lactation consultant sent me back a bunch of tips and it really truly helped a lot, because I don't know anybody that breastfed. So I was like what is a letdown? Why is she choking? What is going on? Why do I hurt so bad? And she was able to answer all those questions for me. So I was able to nurse her for a full year after that.
Angela: 17:04
Oh, that's incredible. So how did you find out you were pregnant for the second time?
Kelli: 17:10
Yes, so I knew once we started having kids I did not want to have huge age gaps. I kind of just wanted to like rip the bandaid off, if you will. I was like let's just, let's make these our baby years and just boom, boom, boom, get it done in a good way, get it done in a good way. So my daughter had turned a year old and I had found out I was pregnant like a week before her first birthday, and again, sadly, we lost that pregnancy as well. So I had waited maybe another two months and then we got pregnant again in.
Angela: 17:48
August again.
Kelli: 17:50
So all of my kids' birthdays are within like a three-week window. August is like a happy spot for us. For some reason my fertility is great in August, so I'll take it. Her birth experience was very different. Her pregnancy was very different. Actually, I thought she was a boy for the longest time, cause I had felt way worse with her. Um, finding out I was pregnant with her was not that surprising, because again, we were trying. So it was a random morning I just decided I hadn't even missed my period yet, but I was like I'm pregnant. I know how this feels at this point, at this point. This is my fourth pregnancy, my second kid, but my fourth pregnancy. So I know how I feel, I know what to expect at this point and I took the test. It was positive. I was very excited but also very scared because again I was coming off of another loss. Just a few months prior they saw me early again just because of my concerns that I had with my losses and to my happiness, she had a heartbeat and she was healthy. It was another girl and her pregnancy.
Kelli: 19:07
I was physically sick, a lot more so. With Avery I was just more nauseous. My middle daughter her name is Evelyn. With Evelyn I got sick a lot more. So I was like every other morning just throwing up first thing in the morning and my little one-year-old is like rubbing my back because mommy's sick, but still trying to be as present as I could be for her. The pregnancy exhaustion hit way harder this time because I had a little what I was chasing around. But overall a pretty positive pregnancy as well. I think I shook the sickness around 17 weeks, a little bit longer with her. Oh, something different with this pregnancy is I did experience a hypothyroid so I had to be put on medication around 10 weeks pregnant with her to counteract the hypothyroid. I got really swollen with this. She was my biggest baby. She's my biggest pregnancy and she's my biggest baby. My first baby was seven pounds five ounces. Evelyn ended up being like eight pounds 10 ounces. She was a big girl and I got really, really swollen towards the end of my pregnancy with her.
Kelli: 20:18
We were just coming out of COVID so I was able to sit in the lobby again. I was able to bring my husband. You were able to have one person with you. I went back to Downey's OBGYN and saw Dr Rumsey again, so the care was a little less foreign to me because I had one gone through it again. I've gone through it previously, but it was starting to be a little bit more personal again because a lot of the COVID regulations were starting to not be so strict. I did still have to labor with a mask on in the hospital, but it wasn't as bad because the at least the nurses only had masks on at this point. They didn't have to have the full body suit to help me in labor, so they looked a little more human this time. That helps.
Angela: 21:12
Yeah, Because you're in these altered states of birth and looking around right.
Kelli: 21:17
It was. It was crazy, and I wear glasses, so I don't know if anyone else experienced this when they had masks. But when you breathe with your mask on, especially like heavy breaths, like the fog goes up to your glasses and God bless these nurses. They felt so bad for me, I could tell one of them ended up pulling my mask off during labor because I like literally couldn't see. My glasses are so fogged up because of the air from my mask being pushed up into my glasses that she literally just pulled my mask down for me and I was like thank you, one, I can breathe now. Two, I can see. So things got a lot better. After that I was like thank you, there's a little bit of humanality, so this is a little bit more human connection. I'd also I was like I've been COVID tested three times since I've been here. Why do I have to wear this mask? Like you know, I don't have COVID. You've tested me every four hours and I haven't gone anywhere. So yeah, it was again that labor was interesting.
Angela: 22:25
Is there anything else you want to share about your pregnancy with her? So her pregnancy was pretty, pretty standard.
Kelli: 22:31
After I got over the sickness in my first trimester, my second was very, it was a breeze. I'm very lucky to have second trimesters easy second trimesters and then my third. Again, I just got really swollen with her I want to say that probably has something to do with the hypothyroid and then my labor with her. I ended up going into natural labor with Evelyn. Uh, my blood pressure was fine, but I had never experienced natural labor before because I had an induction with my first. So it was like midnight and my contractions got a little heavier, they got a little closer together and they felt a little bit more real. I had had Braxton Hicks previously with Avery. I'd had Braxton Hicks with Evelyn, but I was starting to experience. I'm like no, these, I think these are not those. I think these are real, I think these are doing something.
Kelli: 23:25
And it was about midnight that I told my husband that, thankfully, my dad was staying with us at the time because of his job. Um, my parents lived two hours away at the time and his job was here, so he was staying in our guest room while he was working throughout the week. So I didn't have to worry about going into labor at midnight and not having somebody to stay with my baby, um, so I my dad was up and my husband was up. I was bouncing on a ball at midnight and I was like, okay, everyone, let's try to get some sleep. I think I'm going to go into labor, but let's just try it, let's see what happens. And it was two hours later, 2am, I woke my husband up and I was like we got to go to the hospital. This is starting to really hurt. I haven't slept at all. Is it getting closer together? Let's call the doctor. They told us to go in. They put me in triage, they checked me and I was only At that time, I think I was only three centimeters.
Kelli: 24:27
But my step-mom had drove up two hours at 2 am from where my parents had lived, where their house was, and I was like listen, I have someone driving at 2 am to stay with my daughter. I am not going home. So I said what do I need to do to induce this labor so I can be admitted and get out of triage? And she said we needed you at least at a four to consider you an active labor. I said done. I walked the labor ward for probably two hours. I did not sit down, I just did circles around the labor floor and bounced on a ball and did everything I could to get my contractions stronger and closer together. And when she came back and checked me I was at a four and it was at 4am and I was admitted. I was like, yes, I did it, I'm in. And then I slept because I hadn't slept at all.
Kelli: 25:27
The doctor came and saw me. I actually had a midwife this time. She worked at the same office, but Rumsey was not in the office. I think he was on a vacation or something. So I had a midwife come and check me.
Kelli: 25:39
Was it Raylene? It was Raylene. Yeah, I adore her. I absolutely love her. I love all the providers I've experienced at Downy's OB-GYN but I'd have to say she's probably she's at the top of the list for experience for me. I say this all the time I have friends and family that are nurse practitioners. I have tons of friends that are nurses and I just think it's a different level of care when you have a midwife and a nurse practitioner, because they've had to go through being a nurse previously so they know how to be a little bit more hands-on, they understand like bedside manner and care a little bit better. I mean, raylene sat and talked with me. She like offered me popsicles. She was just a little bit more present in my labor and I fully attribute that to her being a midwife and not an OB. Both were great experiences but it's just a different level of connection.
Kelli: 26:39
She delivered Evelyn, so she came in, she broke my water and they started me on Pitocin. I did get an epidural with Evelyn. Unfortunately it was not a good experience. The second time around they ended up doing a what's it called Like a spinal yeah, where it goes like a little too far and it's not in the right spot to be considered an epidural anymore, and that was pretty painful, like I could probably point out on my back where it was like it still hurts to this day, and so I ended up having to have a blood patch procedure after Evelyn's epidural. I don't remember what it's called, but something happens where you get like these severe migraines, and that ended up happening to me.
Kelli: 27:31
When I got home and discharged from the hospital. I almost couldn't keep my head up because it just was in so much pain and I ended up having to go back to the hospital to have a two-hour procedure done where they took blood from my arm and inserted it into where the epidural needle was put into my spine to create a clot, basically All while trying to take care of a newborn. She was a day old at this point and, again, I'm exclusively breastfeeding, so I was like, listen, I need this procedure done. I understand, but I have a newborn that I need to breastfeed in two hours, so let's try to streamline this a little bit. And they did. They were understanding, so I went in and got the procedure done.
Kelli: 28:25
Again, it was still weird regulations at the hospital, so she couldn't come in with me so much. She actually sat in the parking garage with my dad for two hours in the car while I was getting this done because my husband was home with our one or two year old Um and thankfully the procedure took right away. That headache went away almost immediately and I was fine. I was good to go.
Angela: 28:51
How were things kind of looking with your birth after you got the epidural?
Kelli: 28:55
Yeah, so afterwards I didn't immediately feel the headaches after the epidural. I knew that my epidural was botched, though I could feel it. Just in comparison with Avery it was pretty textbook. It worked the way it needed to work. It came out fine. It was. You know. It worked the way it needed to work. It came out fine. It was great.
Kelli: 29:12
I could feel the difference with Evelyn's epidurals so I knew I was like this doesn't feel right. The headaches didn't set on immediately so I couldn't really tell that something wasn't right until a day afterwards. But my care with her. I was transferred to a recovery room. At that point they had started moving patients' rooms again, so I was put in a recovery room with her. The nurses were great, the care was fine. I was discharged again pretty fast because luckily I'm a pretty good recovery. My bleeding is pretty moderate. She latched fine, so that wasn't an issue. She looked good, so everything was good to go and we were discharged within probably like 36 hours.
Kelli: 30:02
The only thing is when we got home is when the headache started to set on and I didn't really know what was wrong because no one had explained that to me.
Kelli: 30:12
So I think that's the only thing that I wish I could change is someone would have told me hey, you might experience this, so you know what signs to look for. I ended up calling Dr Rumsey and he was great. He had great follow through. He actually is the one that made the appointment for me to go in to get the procedure done and he did a follow up with me afterwards as well. So I have great, great things to say about Downy's OBGYN and their follow up care. He really, even though Raylene was the one that delivered Evelyn Rumsey did a great follow up to make sure that I was good to go afterwards a great follow-up to make sure that I was good to go afterwards, and that was probably like a two to three day process of having her being discharged, getting home, having the headaches from the epidural complications going and getting the procedure done being fine. That was probably like a three day window there.
Angela: 31:06
Yeah, oh, wow, that's tough, but still good that they caught it kind of quick and like we're able to help you right away. Yeah, yes.
Kelli: 31:15
I was very fortunate to be able to get in right away because I said, listen, I'm I'm like exclusively nursing a baby. I have a two-year-old, like, yes, I have a good village at home to help me, but like I need to be able to be present to take care of my babies, um, so they were able to get me in and out really fast. So I was very, very lucky and I'm glad for that, because I've had. My girls are two years apart, so even though she, my oldest, was two I mean two is still very much a baby, so she's still really needed mom to help take care of her. Um, and again, exclusively breastfeeding my baby. I was like, no, I need to be present, I need to be like aware of what's going on so I can take care of my kids and not be in pain. So, yes, they fully understood that and I received good care, so, yeah, yeah, yeah, so important.
Angela: 32:08
So how was your postpartum time with her kind of after those first few days and you got a little more settled.
Kelli: 32:16
Yes. So my husband was able to be home for I think it was like a little under two weeks, just shy of two weeks, and I remember thinking when he went to work oh my gosh, what have I done? I just went from having one baby to focus on and having my full attention on her to now my attention is split down the middle and I have two babies I need to take care of, and I would say the transition from one to two kids was the hardest and it was solely just because I had not been used to having to split my attention. So whenever moms ask me who are going into having multiple kids, I say it's hard and you're going to struggle a little bit, probably in the beginning, or at least I did but you get into a routine. Those instincts with your second come a little bit easier. For me, I felt more confident in my mothering skills. I didn't second guess everything that I was doing.
Kelli: 33:16
My postpartum care was way different because with my first I was able to like lay in bed and recover when you're already. Have a toddler that you have to chase around. Have a toddler that you have to chase around. She doesn't really care that you're in a diaper. She wants to go play. So I was out of the house a lot sooner with my second postpartum. But I still had a really easy postpartum recovery With my second. When I went back to get my six week blood work done my hypothyroid had gone away so I was able to stop the medication and I was very fortunate to have no postpartum depression, no postpartum anxiety. I have a very strong village around me for my friends and family so I was able to lean on them a lot and vent when I needed to vent. I had someone come sit with Avery when I needed it. I'm very lucky, I'm very fortunate in that sense. So postpartum wise, I was good to go.
Angela: 34:21
Amazing. Yeah, it's really so helpful to have that village.
Kelli: 34:24
Yes, my heart really goes out to the moms that don't have a strong village around them and I really hope that I'm able to be that village for my friends, because I just know how important it is for mama's sanity to have someone around to help her, not only like care for the babies, but even just sometimes to like hear you out, like sometimes you just want to vent. It's been a hard day. The kids are crazy, the kids are loud. I'm overstimulated, I'm touched out. Tell me all the things. Go ahead, vent it out. You're not annoying me, I'm not overwhelmed by this. Just get it off of your chest, because that's sometimes just all you need. You don't always need someone to just fix it, you just need someone to hear you out, and I'm hopefully I'm able to be that for my friends, as they are for me too.
Angela: 35:14
So, yeah, yeah, having that support is so helpful.
Kelli: 35:19
Yes, it helps the. You know I I value my girlfriend relationship so much because if it wasn't for my girlfriend, I'm like I don't know what I would do. Like those, those ladies help keep me sane. I don't know what I would do without them.
Angela: 35:33
And it's so true, like maybe you don't necessarily need someone to be right there with you in, like the day to day, like after you know this first initial postpartum passes, but just to have someone you know call and check in like how are you doing today, you know, like can really make a big difference.
Kelli: 35:48
Yes, I had friends drop me off coffee, friends drop me off flowers. I've um my first postpartum on my friend again, it was COVID, so they were all very weary about coming over. But I had, um, one of my friends sent me like a Walmart delivery of a bunch of like freezer meals and just like easy things to cook. And again with my second delivery my friends would bring over Haniford gift cards and things, just things to help make the transition into a family of three to a family of four easier. And that's never something that I took lightly, that's something that always brought me to tears sometimes. Just the support from our friends and family of you know how much they love and uplift our family. So I hope I'm able to, and I was able to do that for them as well.
Kelli: 36:36
You know, flowers, coffee, let me do your dishes. Go take a shower. She's good. I like I can tell you haven't showered in like two days. She might cry. She's going to be fine. Go take a shower. I'll hold her. She's going to be alive when you get back, I promise.
Angela: 36:52
Yeah, so true. Oh, that's amazing. When did you find out you're pregnant for the third time? Like, what was that looking like for you?
Kelli: 37:01
Yes. So this last pregnancy was very different. We waited longer this time, which I find is a pattern. I find that a lot of families have the first two back to back, which is exactly what we did, and then you're like, wow, this is a lot. One to two kids, that's a lot. Let's wait a little bit longer. So there's a three-year age gap between my middle and my youngest, so not that much longer, but I was like I think I need an extra year to recover from this. Get a little bit of my pink back, if you will. So it was this past summer. We had decided. I was like I don't think I'm done, I think I want one more. And he agreed he's like I think we need one more to complete our family. So it was this past summer. Again in August, I found out I was pregnant with her, with this one. It was a little bit more of a surprise because she's waking up.
Angela: 38:01
Pause.
Kelli: 38:01
That's fine, take your time. When we had decided to have our third child, we initially talked about like the fall and the winter trying to get pregnant because we had already had two of our kids in the spring. So let's try to space this out a little bit more and we were being careful and cautious all but one time, and that one time is now three months old. All it took was that one time. I was very fortunate for that and I also.
Kelli: 38:31
When I found out with her pregnancy, I got immediately nervous because I had had a pattern loss, baby, loss, baby. So when I found out I was pregnant with her, that initial anxiety of am I going to lose this pregnancy hit, and I was very fortunate that it didn't. So that's something that was different about this pregnancy was I was not coming off of a loss, and I think I was able to be a little more present, a little less anxious this time around with her, because when I heard her heartbeat I was like, okay, this is good, she's going to be okay, and that relief of I can breathe went away. Although I wasn't nearly as nauseous with her, I was a little nervous because when you don't feel those symptoms, you're like okay, what's wrong? Is she okay? Is everything going to be okay? She took it really easy on me.
Kelli: 39:33
As far as nausea, the exhaustion was my biggest symptom with her pregnancy. It could also just be I was chasing two other kids around, so that didn't help with me not feeling tired, but other than that I was able to eat what I wanted to eat. I slept fine at night. I got sick maybe one or two times. Her pregnancy was by far the easiest pregnancy. I've had no hypothyroid this time around and she was as healthy as could be. So, yeah, and we found out on Christmas that we were having a third girl.
Angela: 40:15
Oh, that's so fun.
Kelli: 40:17
Yes, my friend went to my my ultrasound with me and they handed her the piece of paper and she wrapped up a little onesie for us and my daughters were able to open it on Christmas and it said little sister on it and we're like, oh my gosh, here we go, girl round three yeah, at this point I mean three daughter. I wouldn't even know what to do with the son at this point because I'm just so immersed in girl world that, honestly, I just feel like I was meant to be a girl mom.
Angela: 40:47
I love it. Oh, oh, my gosh, that's so sweet. So how were like the final weeks and then days?
Kelli: 40:57
leading up to when your labor started looking like. So my pregnancy was so, so easy with her. I hate to say it, but it really was so easy with her. Um, the final weeks I did start to swell, which is pretty typical for me, but my blood pressure was looking fine. My thyroid and blood work came back totally normal. I was 39 weeks when I went into natural labor with her.
Kelli: 41:24
I had, at this point, I felt experienced. I was, you know, not a first time mom, not a first time into labor and delivery, not a first time going into natural labor. I knew the signs to look, for it was a weekend. Friday I had started to have stronger Braxton Hicks. I was like, okay, I think these are starting to do something. And it was going into a weekend. So I was like, all right, well, there's not going to be a doctor's office open, so let's just, let's wait and we'll see what happens. I tried not to call immediately because I knew I was like I don't want to sit in triage for four hours again. Let's wait, let's wait a little bit. So Friday I could feel the Braxton Hicks getting a little stronger. Saturday, I definitely was in pre-labor. I was like, okay, these are doing something. These aren't in vain, these are something. Things are starting to move along.
Kelli: 42:20
And then it was probably 5 am on Sunday morning. I had lost my mucus plug and I had hardly slept that night because of the Braxton Hicks that were turning into real contractions. And I woke up about 5 am, before anybody else was awake, and I started to bounce on my ball and time my contractions. I said, okay, these are about 10 minutes apart at 5 am, but they're strong, they're doing something, I can feel them, they're taking my breath away a little bit. And around 7 am is when the rest of my house woke up. My husband got up. I said I've been timing my contractions. Currently they're about eight minutes apart and getting stronger as we speak. And he said, okay, well, let's wait about a half an hour, we'll see what happens.
Angela: 43:12
Sounds good to me.
Kelli: 43:14
They got stronger, they got closer together. This is my third time around, so it was pretty fast at this point and about 7.30, maybe eight o'clock, I called the on-call number and I got connected with Dr Kaufman and she said okay, tell me what's going on. I said, well, as of right now, they are five minutes apart and they're strong and I don't know why. In my head I thought she would say okay, let's wait another couple of hours to see what happens. No, she's like you need to get to the hospital right now. Within the next half an hour. You need to be at registration. She's like this is your third baby. I said yes, she's like yeah, you need to go. So I was like oh, okay, thankfully my parents had moved up closer to us at that point, at this point, so they were only 10 minutes away, not two hours. I called my parents. They came over. This was around like 8.30. I had gotten to the hospital at nine. Registration in my room at 9.30. Vivian was born at like 11.30.
Kelli: 44:31
So it was very fast. It was like 5 am contractions. 7 am timing them. 8 am call the doctor. 9 am check in. 11.30, baby. Like boom, boom, boom, boom. Oh, my gosh.
Angela: 44:44
So it was Dr Kaufman that met you in there that day, 9am check in 1130 baby like boom, boom, boom, boom, I labor. It was Dr Kaufman that met you in there that day.
Kelli: 44:49
Yes. So Dr Kaufman was the one that was on call that weekend and, funny enough though she didn't deliver her, a resident delivered her, I think. They looked at me and they were like she's a third time mom, probably a good experience for someone learning. And so it was. Yeah, it was a resident that did a great job. She did a phenomenal delivering her, honestly, so she'll probably make a great doctor someday.
Kelli: 45:19
I did end up getting the epidural, but I went into natural labor as much as I could. I was probably like eight centimeters. I'm actually very surprised that they gave me the epidural because of how fast I was progressing, but I knew I was like, oh, I got to ask for it now, because if I don't ask for it now they're not going to give it to me. I was very nervous about getting an epidural again just because of my previous experience with Evelyn's labor, but I communicated that to the anesthesiologist. I said just, I'm going to be transparent. My last epidural was not a good experience and this is why and he was very careful and I could tell that he really took his time and really took what I said. And you know he said I'm going to communicate everything that I'm doing. I need you to communicate what you're feeling, cause that's just going to further help me make this better for you and so I. We had great communication and Vivian Vivian is my third daughter Vivian's epidural went way better, way better experience. I don't know how effective it was, because I gave delivery Like I delivered her like 20 minutes after I had the epidural, so I don't even know if it really worked at that point, but in my mind it helped and I guess that's all that mattered.
Kelli: 46:31
So how was your birth? My birth with her was very fast. It was maybe 10 minutes of pushing and I was able to get her out. I didn't tear this time, so that was really nice. No stitches is my first time no stitches. She was eight pounds, two ounces came fast and furious, healthy, as could be my postpartum care.
Kelli: 46:58
This labor altogether was way different because now we're completely out of COVID. I was able to have visitors in the hospital, which had never happened previously. My husband was able to leave, which he wasn't able to the first two times, and I was able to see everyone's faces. I didn't have to take a COVID test. I didn't have to wear a mask.
Kelli: 47:22
This felt like a you know what you would probably consider like a normal labor and delivery, pre-covid, and so I'm glad that now mamas that get to labor have a way more normal, I guess is the only word I can think of experience. And I'm glad that I was able to have that, because had I not had my third child, I wouldn't have known a labor without masks and protocols and COVID tests. So I think having her definitely healed that part of me. That was like this is not how I pictured my labor is going and my daughters were able to come to the hospital and meet their sister in the hospital. So it was a way, way, way better birthing and recovery experience, because it felt a little bit more natural and a little bit more normal and how you would expect a labor and delivery to go.
Angela: 48:25
You could see other human faces in your space instead of just all of the PPE.
Kelli: 48:30
Exactly exactly.
Angela: 48:33
Yeah, oh, so how was your postpartum time with her? Like obviously you're still postpartum, but like how was your, like you know, the last few weeks been last 12 weeks?
Kelli: 48:43
Yes. So I'd have to say her postpartum has been the most difficult hormonal wise I can, as far as like transitioning into the kids, transitioning from two to three kids, hasn't really been that hard. I've already gotten used to splitting my time. I've gotten used to juggling things, so that hasn't really been hard. I've gotten used to juggling things, so that hasn't really been hard. But trying to make sure that I'm present for all three, that's probably been the most difficult.
Kelli: 49:11
It really is true when they say one kid is one kid, two kids is three kids, three kids is 10 kids. I don't know what it is, but when you jump to that third one it's like it kicks up the chaos like seven notches. But I think 12 weeks in, we're finally starting to get a little bit of a routine and management of that down. Thankfully I have a very hands-on husband and father so he takes the reign on our older two a lot. He does work a lot. That's obviously why I'm able to be a stay at home mom. But when he is home, he's home and he's, he's doing bedtime, he's doing bath, he's helping, you know, with dinner, he's cleaning up and truly like he has helped my post-term mental state a ton. So I think I'm finally starting to come off the hormonal rollercoaster, which feels nice.
Kelli: 50:12
But other than that she's been a breeze. She's been my easiest baby. I don't even want to say it because I don't want to jinx it, but she sleeps great. Knock on wood, she sleeps phenomenal, which I did not have with my previous two. My older two girls were up every hour on the dot for like a year, so this is like a total, you know, 180 for me, getting five hours stretches at a time. I'm like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Knock on wood again. Oh my gosh, I can't jinx it. She's. She's an easy breezy baby, so I really can't complain.
Angela: 50:53
Yeah, it can definitely be a hormonal roller coaster and postpartum sometimes, but having that amazing support from your partner just really just makes all of the difference. You know makes it manageable a little more.
Kelli: 51:05
Yes, yes, I truly can't imagine doing it without him. Like every time that he steps in, when he's cause we've just been together for so long. At this point, I think he can just read my cues without me even having to say anything, Like my face says it all and he knows exactly how I'm feeling without me even having to say it all the time. So he's like okay, girls, let's go do something because mommy needs a minute. And I'm just like oh, thank you. So I couldn't imagine not having that partner who is supportive in that way. I'm very fortunate for him and, and even when I don't have it just on my side, I'm easily able to communicate that to him. And he knows, you know, okay, I know I let me step in, let me help out, and you know we'll get this done together. And I'm like thank you, Thank you, Thank you. I just need a moment, Mommy just needs a moment yeah.
Angela: 52:05
Just refresh for a little bit. Right as a final question, if you were to give advice to someone who's expecting, or even new parents, what is one of the biggest things you'd want to share?
Kelli: 52:18
I've learned so much over the last five years of, you know, being a mom and the huge majority of my last five years of my life has been being pregnant and breastfeeding and taking care of babies, and it's really been my whole life, the last five. So I think the biggest thing I would share is everything is a phase.
Kelli: 52:44
This isn't going to be your new permanent you know, the baby that doesn't sleep every night, you will sleep again eventually. The baby that's up crying she will sleep, or he will sleep again eventually. Teething comes and goes. Everything is temporary and it's not permanent and you will feel normal again. I'd say like two years, postpartum is when I started to really feel like myself again, and so this time, with the postpartum, of course, I'm still only 12 weeks postpartum, so I'm not fully feeling like myself, but I know that I will. So that's the beauty in having done this multiple times is I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I will feel like myself again and you will feel like yourself again and everything's going to be okay. I think it is the overarching sentiment is everything will be okay, even when you feel like you're drowning, and it's not going to be okay and nothing will ever go back to normal again. It will and it's going to be okay. You got it.
Angela: 53:53
Yeah, absolutely, it is so important to remember that.
Kelli: 53:57
Yes, you really feel like this is my new normal. I'm never going to sleep again and I'm not going to shower every day, and it just feels so permanent and it's not. And even though that's hard to accept in the moment, just trust me, you'll feel like yourself again.
Angela: 54:18
So, before we go, do you want to share a little bit about your business, the things that you offer and how people can find you? If they want to share a little bit about your business, the things that you offer and how people can find you, if they want to, yeah, absolutely so.
Kelli: 54:28
My business, Katie Marketing. You can find me on Instagram or Facebook it's just Kelly Dunley, katie Marketing, and I help small businesses with social media management, graphic design, content creation, consulting, ad campaigns truly, almost anything marketing related. That's what I have my degree in. I've been working in marketing for like a decade at this point and I've kind of I've wore every hat in the marketing field that you could think of. I've worked in radio, I've worked in TV, I've worked in print, and it's my passion. I've worked in radio, I've worked in TV, I've worked in print, and it's my passion. I love what I do and I truly feel that my client's success is my success. So I will always do everything that I can to ensure that I'm providing you the best marketing experience that I can offer.
Angela: 55:22
Awesome. Well, I will link all of your information in the show notes so anybody that might be interested in that, that has a small business looking for that, can check you out. Thank you so much for taking the time to chat with me and share your story today. It's been such a pleasure chatting with you.
Kelli: 55:40
Absolutely. Thanks for reaching out.
Angela: 55:42
This was fun absolutely thanks for reaching out. This was fun. Before you go, I just want to remind you I have a ton of resources for pregnancy and birth. If you're pregnant, whether you're a first-time mom or if this is your fifth baby, I want you to check out the show notes, because I have some free trainings and free downloads that you can sign up for, as well as the link to access my labor of love, a comprehensive self-paced online childbirth education course. I created this course specifically for moms who don't want to be told what to do, regardless of where you're birthing or who you're birthing with, and I'd honestly love to teach you everything that I know so that you can prepare for an autonomous birth experience and prepare to step into your role as the leader of your birth journey. So click to the show notes, check out all of those links and, if you ever have any questions, feel free to DM me at mymainbirth over on Instagram.