132. MyMaine Birth: Kelly’s Three Birth Stories and her Journey from Hospital to Home Birth
Kelli: 0:00
I definitely was intending to free birth. That was my original intention. And then around 25, 26 weeks, I changed my mind. And I really just I had the thought of hiring a midwife and I felt shame in doing that. And that's when I started kind of questioning the whole free birth rhetoric, you know what I mean? I started being like, if I feel shame because I'm considering a midwife, like that's how powerful that whole community is, and that's how big of an influence they have on women and mothers. And yeah, as soon as I had that twinge of shame, I really it made me a little bit angry, you know, honestly. I was like, this isn't right. We can't shame people or yeah.
Angela: 0:49
So yeah, totally. Like free birth is a great idea, but when it becomes an ideology and and like that like thing where it's like, oh, you're not cool if you don't free birth, and it's like, hold on.
Kelli: 1:00
And you feel like you're failing if you choose to have support there, and that's not that's not right. All women choose different different paths for a reason, and I think the safety of the nervous system and the safety of the woman is is the most important thing. And if that is a hospital for someone, then that's what that is, you know.
Angela: 1:19
Yeah.
Kelli: 1:20
For me, since I had two previous experiences that were so traumatic and kind of really medicalized unnecessarily, that was kind of my reasoning for really desiring that path. And then I just I think women are meant to birth with other women. I really believe that. I feel like just having that support. And the midwife, I might I love, I loved my midwife this time. I actually heard her interview with Emily Nixon on that podcast. Her name is Gail. And as soon as I listened to that episode, I think it was shortly after that, I decided to see if she was available and if she was willing to travel here because it's quite far for her. So that's how that relationship started. And I think she came on around 26 or 27 weeks. So it was really just for my third trimester, and it was lovely having another woman care for me during those times.
Angela: 2:16
I'm Angela, and I'm a certified birth photographer, experienced dual la, childbirth educator, and your host here on the My Main Birth Podcast. This is a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. Welcome back. You're listening to episode 132 of My Main Birth. Today's birth story guest is Kelly, and she is here to share her three birth stories with us. The first was at Mercy Hospital with the midwives about 11 years ago when they were known as Batco of Midwives. Her second was a home birth, but with a midwife who had previously had a really bad experience with a breach birth. And when Kelly's baby came in the breach presentation, her midwife became very nervous and was not good support for her in that moment. Fortunately, the assistant midwife that was present was able to step in and provide some of the support that she was needing in those moments, and there were no complications. And then Kelly shares about her third birth experience, a home birth with love and care from her midwife Gail Eckey and her good friend Emily Nixon of Embodied Women's Wisdom. Emily is also in Wapio's year-long birthkeeper cohort with me this year, and she also has a wonderful podcast that I highly recommend you check out. It's called Soul Evolution: Embodied Women's Wisdom. All right. Hi, Kelly. Welcome to My Main Birth. Hi. So to get started, would you share a little bit about you and your family?
Kelli: 4:12
Yeah, so my name is Kelly. I am a practicing clinical herbalist here in Maine. Um, we live in Auburn. We're a family of six, we're a blended family. So um my partner Ethan has an 11-year-old daughter, and then I have an 11-year-old son and an eight-year-old daughter, and then we have a baby together. So we're very, very busy. We have a medicinal herb farm here. We do some homesteading, we raise meat. Um we're just trying to build a little community. We're very fresh on this land. We just got a nice sweet little 22-acre plot and starting from scratch.
Angela: 4:54
So amazing. Yeah. So now jumping into your birth stories, would you share a little bit about how you found out you were pregnant for the first time and what your thoughts were in choosing your care then? Yeah.
Kelli: 5:10
So when I found out I was pregnant with my son in 2013, it was very unexpected. I don't know if you know some of my history, but I come from a background of addiction. I spent many years on the streets of Boston, kind of hopeless and very, very sick when I was younger in my early 20s. Um, that was a result of an open heart surgery that kind of had that cascade effect after that led me to that place. And during that time, I experienced a pregnancy, and it turns out it was an ectopic pregnancy. So it wasn't a normal ectopic. It was kind of like in the muscle of my uterus, so it wasn't easy for them to just do what they would normally do. So they almost were going to do a hysterectomy, actually. And it was really scary. And then kind of last minute, they found a doctor that was able to um get it out without removing my womb. So that was a blessing. But they did tell me that it was very unlikely that I would conceive um successfully or carry like a successful pregnancy. So that's kind of what I had in my mind. So when I found out I was pregnant with Kai, my 11-year-old son, it was very unexpected. I was in denial, and I actually didn't I didn't poop for like two weeks or something. And I ended up going to urgent care, and they were like, is there any chance you're pregnant? And I was like, No, no possible way, you know. But it turns out I was, and um we were excited. I, you know, I accepted it as a blessing and a gift from God, and yeah, my first pregnancy was amazing. I I was practicing and teaching yoga at that time, so I was very, very active and very strong, and um I was really kind of at the peak of my health post um, you know, getting well after that experience with drug addiction in my younger 20s, and um it was just a really beautiful experience. Yeah, and I knew I I was at the point in my life where I was transitioning to everything natural. I was coming off of 15 years of mental health medication and um things for anxiety and just all these pharmacological drugs, and I was in the process of transitioning everything to all natural anyway, and I I it had been a few years since I took any pharmaceuticals, so I knew that I wanted a natural birth. But during like I didn't know what I didn't know, you know, when I went with the midwives that practice out of the hospital, and you know, you think that because you're you have a midwife, that it's more natural, and that's just oftentimes not the case, right? So that birth was traumatic. I mean, I had group E strep, so they had me on Ivy antibiotics. And since I had such a history with like mental health, you know, being in the environment of the bright lights and that kind of sterile environment really made my energy completely collapse. But I didn't, I wasn't aware of it at the time, you know what I mean? Because I was so conditioned that that was what normal was. So it took three days. Um, they did give me three days before they gave me Pitocin, but they ended up on that third day. They tried the castor oil and like the natural things. Um in the hospital? Was this in Maine? This was in the hospital at Mercy, which is something different now. But yes, it was when it was backhove. Backhove midwives, exactly. And they were sweet, sweet women, they were amazing practitioners, you know, really passionate about what they did. Um, but they were definitely medically trained. So the Pitocin was insane. I had the Pitocin without any other drugs, so it was fiery.
Angela: 9:27
Yeah, oh my goodness. So did you go in like for an induction or did like your water break? How did they how did things work? My water break. My water broke, yeah.
Kelli: 9:36
My water broke, and then because I had that group B positive um test, they they had me come in immediately, pretty much.
Angela: 9:44
Yeah, so then you had three days, and then they started the Potosin. I feel like that's like almost like you know, like they like they do try to work with you, but it's like you're still like, you know, like okay, you've been in here for three days, right? Was that kind of like the vibe?
Kelli: 9:59
Yeah, totally. Three days is longer than they normally wait, I feel, you know. Um yeah, but they started the Pitocin, I think, around 9 a.m. and he he was born at like 6 15. So definitely a roller coaster.
Angela: 10:16
How was your postpartum with him?
Kelli: 10:19
It was really well supported. My ex- my my kid's father, my ex-husband Tucker, his moms were there. Uh, my mom was there, so I was very well cared for. It was it was really beautiful. I think it was before the time of meal trains being a big thing, and but I was well cared for by my by all of the mothers.
Angela: 10:42
Yeah, oh, that's so helpful. Yeah. So now how did you find out you were pregnant for the second time? And like, what were your thoughts in choosing your care the second time around?
Kelli: 10:53
The second time was 2016 when I became pregnant. She was born in June of 2017, and that was a very intentional conception. Um, I think it was the first month of trying. I became pregnant, and I knew immediately that I wanted a home birth because of the experience I had in the hospital. And I feel like I had learned a little bit more about my own wounding and my own kind of um the way being in a hospital environment impacted me, you know. So I was more aware of that, and I chose a home birth and a beautiful, sweet midwife here in Maine, and it was another really beautiful, easeful pregnancy. I do feel like definitely a little bit more nausea, and like physically, I was a little bit more challenged with my daughter that my my first one just felt so so easeful. Um, so yeah, Aurora was a little more challenging on my physical health, but nothing too, nothing too complicated. She was breach, and they they were positive that they had turned her around when I went into the birth portal. My water broke on June 2nd, and that actually she was about two weeks early, and that was the June 2nd was the day my father passed. So it was a really significant date for me. And I kind of before, like the week before, I kind of had a feeling it was gonna go like that. So that's kind of a really beautiful coincidence. And my water broke, and that labor was going really smoothly. I mean, I labored overnight, and yeah, I was in the water in transition. I remember things were really starting to heat up a little bit, and I looked in the water and there was a little piece of poop floating in the water, and I was like, Oh no, I pooped. And the midwife was just like, That's not yours. I need to check you. And then they discovered that she was coming out her butt first, and then everyone kind of went into a panic, and it really went kind of downhill from there, and they called the paramedics. It was too late to transfer me. Thank goodness. I'm so thankful that they couldn't transfer me. I was already pushing, she was already coming out. So the paramedics came and they kind of just stayed in the hallway and witnessed, they didn't interfere at all. They let the midwives kind of do what they were doing. My midwife was very scared, and she kind of looked at me and said, This is out of my scope of practice, and she was very afraid. So the kind of her partner midwife, the backup midwife, came really came through really confident and strong for me and kind of took over the space and supported me through that. They positioned me in a really awful, awful position, and it was really intense. She came out and she was just very limp and not breathing. And I just remember like being in total shock, just laying there on the bed. They hit me with a shot of pitocin in my leg, and they were just everyone was like, talk to your baby, talk to your baby. And I was in shock. I was just like staring, just you know, it was bizarre. I feel like I kind of left my body a little bit and was witnessing from above, you know. And she started breathing within within a minute, and again, the paramedics didn't interfere. They let the midwives take care of it, and then everything was all right after that. You know, they handed me my baby and I went into a postpartum period. Um yeah, my postpartum, I think, was very, very stressful because of that. Like that set the tone for my early postpartum, which was unfortunate. I ended up only being able to nurse her for about six weeks, and it was really stressful. And I was having supply issues, and she wasn't her gastro her gastro system was just really upset, and she screamed a lot for the first six weeks of her life. And I just remember that particular group of midwives were really kind of aggressive with me around the breastfeeding thing, kind of making me feel like a failure for even considering trying something else, you know. And I tried my friend's milk, and she just wasn't tolerating breast milk very well. And finally, at six weeks, I ordered um a goat milk formula called Sammy's milk, which is very minimal. I think there's only like six ingredients or something, and instantaneously, like literally flipping a switch, she snapped out of it as soon as I gave her that. So that was that experience, and it was very another very kind of traumatic birth. And I feel like it didn't have to be. Knowing what I know now, I would have felt safe birthing a breach baby. Um and this time around, when seeking a midwife, that was kind of a really big thing in my mind. And I think at this point I was willing to free birth if I if I had to, and I didn't have anyone to support me.
Angela: 16:35
So it's really hard because so when that happened, that was before licensure took place in Maine. So like that wouldn't technically have prevented you, but then again, it comes down to like each midwife. Like, what is each midwife comfortable with? And thank goodness that you're you know, her backup midwife felt comfortable to you know, kind of step in and be that so you know, stronger support person for you in that moment when you you needed, you know, some calm, right?
Kelli: 17:00
Totally, yeah. She she was very just like fierce and um steady, and she was very competent and made me feel safe for sure.
Angela: 17:11
Yeah, that can make all the difference, really, in those moments.
Kelli: 17:15
Yeah, you can tell when someone trusts the birth process, you know.
Angela: 17:21
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, so now how did you find out you were pregnant now for the third time? Fast forwarding a little bit to your most recent birth, and yeah, what were your thoughts really in choosing your care?
Kelli: 17:36
Tula, Tula is 14 months, she's just about 14 months, and I thought I was done having babies. I am 41, and I had I mean, I guess I was toying with the idea in my mind a little bit, but I really, I really thought I I thought I was done. So she was a surprise, although I do think I called her in, even though she was a surprise, you know. Um I remember actually I was just telling this story to my students the other day. I was I found out I was pregnant, I think it was December 5th of 2023. And a few weeks prior to that, I was on my way to a breath work session with Tanya Zuckerman. I don't know if you're familiar with her, her work is amazing. So I was on my way to this private breath work session, and as I was driving there, I just got this like direct line of communication from this baby that was just like, I'm coming in. And it was just like that. That's all it was. It wasn't, it didn't go further than that. And I was just like, oh, all right, like maybe there's something here. And then I went into that breath work session, and I remember as I was breathing, my womb was like glowing and light, like just like lit up, and all of the energy of my breath was circulating through my womb. And it, I literally feel like that's the moment that I became pregnant almost. It was because when I think about the timeline of when I found out and when I missed my period, it lines up with that date, like and it was just wild to think that you know what I mean. That communication is so open. So yeah, I think before I found out, I already kind of knew, and yeah, I was not overjoyed, shall we say? And I feel like it's hard for women to express when they're not thrilled to be pregnant. Like we we feel a lot of shame in saying that. Um yeah, and there's a lot of shame. And I actually I had a really big year planned. I was teaching at these really big events. Ethan and I were going to South America for our 40th birthday. Like, we had all of these really big things planned, and I was throwing a fit. I was mad, you know. Um, yeah, so the first trimester, I was kind of just surrendering to it and canceling everything, and just thinking about, okay, so there's a fork in the road, and I'm actually going this way, not this way. And I just knew that she was, I just knew like she told me she was coming. So I knew that it was meant to be, and I was supposed to, I was supposed to become a mother to a baby again and start kind of start all over. Yeah. Gosh, how special. Yeah. And we have a really special, it's my relationship with her is different, I think, because I'm 10 years older than I was the first time I had a child. And I think it was a little bit harder on my body physically, but from a mental emotional perspective, I am so like so much more solid in who I am as a woman, and really solid in my values, and my nervous system is more grounded and stabilized. And I just, it's a whole different experience parent parenting, like a small one in this phase of life. Yeah.
Angela: 21:22
Yeah, just like the difference in your mindset, like versus, you know, obviously it's special at any age, but like it's kind of like another level when you you know have kids when you're a little older.
Kelli: 21:32
Yeah, and you've made some mistakes, so you've already kind of learned and grown through those mistakes. And yeah, my pregnancy was hard this time.
Angela: 21:43
How were things looking like as your pregnancy like progressed? Yeah, over the months.
Kelli: 21:47
Yeah, it was harder on my body physically. I feel like I gained a lot of weight really fast before I even like looked like I was pregnant, and it was really uncomfortable for me. Uh, giving up my body again, you know, because we sacrifice our our bodies, and I think that part was a little bit harder for me. I I we were preparing to move, we we packed up our lives and moved and bought this land and started building this house. So it was just a really big, big year of transition. So it was it was challenging. I went and uh one really cool thing that I got to do while I was very pregnant was I went to the Matriarch Rising Festival down in North Carolina, and I had the opportunity to vend my apothecary there. So I was there, I was very pregnant, nine months pregnant, took a road trip down and took a lot out of me when I got back. I had like a sciatica flare-up, and the drive was intense. But that was a really beautiful experience being in that energy with a big belly and being pregnant like that, and being around a lot of women that are just honoring the mother. That was really beautiful. And then I came back from that, and we immediately, like, as soon as I got back, we moved out of that house and without a home to move into. Really, we moved to the land and into a little camper and our geodesic dome with three kids and a bunch of animals, and um, just in the peak of summer, it was it was really, really intense and really challenging. That last month of my pregnancy was July, and it was so hot that summer, and I didn't have an air-conditioned space to exist in, and I was really angry at that point. And yeah, she was born in the dome off-grid.
Angela: 23:52
Oh, so what were your thoughts? I guess to back up just a little bit, what were your thoughts like when choosing your care this time around? Were you like toying with the idea like a free birth at all this time? And then like, how did that kind of evolve for you?
Kelli: 24:05
I definitely was intending to free birth, that was my original intention. And then around 25-26 weeks, I changed my mind and I really just I had the thought of hiring a midwife, and I felt shame in doing that. And that's when I started kind of questioning the whole free birth rhetoric, you know what I mean? I started being like, if I feel shame because I'm considering a midwife, like that's how powerful that whole community is, and that's how big of an influence they have on women and mothers. And yeah, as soon as I had that twinge of shame, I really it made me a little bit angry, you know, honestly.
Angela: 24:48
I was like, this isn't right, we can't shame people or yeah, so yeah, totally like free birth is a great idea, but when it becomes an ideology and and like that like thing where it's like, oh, you're not cool if you don't free birth, then it's like hold on.
Kelli: 25:05
And you feel like you're failing if you choose to have support there, and that's not that's not right. All women choose different different paths for a reason, and I think the safety of the nervous system and the safety of the woman is is the most important thing. And if that is a hospital for someone, then that's what that is, you know. Yeah, for me, since I had two previous experiences that were so traumatic and kind of really medicalized unnecessarily, that was kind of my reasoning for really desiring that path. And then I just I think women are meant to birth with other women. I really believe that. I feel like just having that support. And the midwife, I might I love, I loved my midwife this time. I actually heard her interview with Emily Nixon on that podcast. Her name is Gail. And as soon as I listened to that episode, I think it was shortly after that I decided to see if she was available and if she was willing to travel here because it's quite far for her. So that's how that relationship started. And I think she came on around 26 or 27 weeks. So it was really just for my third trimester, and it was lovely having another woman care for me during those times. And postpartum, Emily Nixon, the birth advocate, embodied wit women's wisdom now. She changed her name, but I don't know how I would have gotten through that time without her. She was just such a valuable, beautiful support for me through my pregnancy and especially those postpartum weeks. Like she really, it was so, so special. And I can't, I give her so much praise for for that because women really need that. There's something that men can't provide, you know. And I don't think they're meant to. The father and the man isn't isn't meant to embody certain energies. They can't. We can't expect them to show up in certain ways. That's something only a woman can do.
Angela: 27:05
So there's different roles for sure.
Kelli: 27:07
Yeah, so I really believe that wholeheartedly. And I really my wish is for all women to to really everyone puts so much focus on the birth, the birth, and preparing for the birth, which is just such a minuscule moment. And postpartum, I think, really, really needs planning. And I really encourage anyone who is pregnant to really take that into consideration. Yes.
Angela: 27:33
It can be easy to get wrapped up with the the birth, which is the big event, but definitely don't forget about postpartum.
Kelli: 27:39
Yeah. My birth with Tula was a a reclamation. Her birth was six hours. It was fast and fierce and intense and just so beautiful. And I remember every I remember every moment of it.
Angela: 27:55
Would you share any more details that are sticking out to you about how it all kind of unfolded? Yeah.
Kelli: 28:02
My water broke around 8 p.m. the night before, but it was leaky. It wasn't like a fast break all at once. So I knew it was happening. I knew I was kind of going into that space. And the next morning, the kids were here. We got them out the door to go to summer camp, and things progressed really quickly. I remember like between 9 and 10, I kind of set up my space and isolated myself and just was in it. And it was manageable then. And then I think around 11:30 or noon, I called Emily and I was like, things are really starting to amp up. I think I need you. And she only lives five minutes down the road. So she got here pretty quickly. And then I called Gail. She was kind of the last one I called. And she got here about 30 minutes before Tula was born. And I remember like transition and going into that space. I think I was, I kept, I was in denial that it was happening so fast because I had two longer labors. So the fact that this was so fast, I think it wasn't registering for me. So I called her really late and I didn't believe that it was happening so quickly. I was like, oh, maybe like 8 p.m. tonight, you know. And it happened, it happened fast. And I remember during one big, like really big powerful contraction, I was in the water, and you know, I just I was still in denial at that point. And I was like, how can I be in this much pain? Because it's, you know, pleasure, a pleasureful birth is is wonderful for some people, but that's just not the reality for most people. And I think that surrendering to the pain and going through that portal of pain is a big part of the transformation process. But I remember Gail said to me, like, reach down and And just you know, because I was hands-off, I didn't want any checks or anything like that. I just wanted a witness and someone there in case of emergency. Um, just a wise woman to be present. And I felt down and I stuck my finger in, and I felt her head, and I was just like, Oh, okay, like you know, I'm almost there. And then it was a couple big pushes, and she was she was out. It was it was wild. And Ethan was just like steady, just holding space, really grounded masculine energy that felt really safe. And she came out, she had a full head of hair. I kind of I saw her in my dreams like two weeks before, so I feel like I knew exactly what she looked like, and I wasn't surprised at all. I didn't know that it was a girl until maybe you know, 30 seconds or so after I had her in my arms. That's when I looked and saw that it was a girl. Yeah, it was really special. I'm thankful that I had that I had another opportunity to have that experience after two pretty hard, harder experiences.
Angela: 31:18
Oh, yeah, it's really just those moments when you bring your baby to your chest, and especially after you know, claiming that power that, you know, maybe it was taken in some, you know, the previous births, it's just that, yeah, that feeling is just so amazing.
Kelli: 31:33
Yeah, it was really special. And then postpartum, I mean, we didn't have running water, like it was challeng, it was challenging, but I did it. I had a lot of support. I had a lot of support with the kids. Their dad really came through and had them a little bit extra during those weeks, and it's been really special to witness their relationship with her too.
Angela: 31:58
Yeah. Yeah, that's amazing. Now, as a final question, if you were to give advice to someone who's expecting or even new parents, what's one of the biggest things that you'd want to share?
Kelli: 32:14
You don't need to buy everything that they try and sell you for new parents. I feel like that's another progression that I see is the first time they you buy all of this stuff, all of this extra stuff for diaper like wipe warmers and all of these different things, and you literally end up not using any of it. So very minimal. Um trust yourself, it's your baby, it's not your parents, or like it's not your family. And I feel like it's not the doctors, yeah. It's not the doctors, it's something that a lot of people struggle with, I think, is like claiming that sovereignty and radical responsibility for their own experience. And I feel like that's really what it's about, you know, not outsourcing your power for making decisions.
Angela: 33:09
Yeah, that is so true. And yeah, buying all this stuff is like definitely a progression you go through from like the first babies to like the third ones. Like, you really, you know, maybe like a couple towels.
Kelli: 33:19
Yeah, some blankets, right? Not much. All hand-me-downs at this point, you know. You learn that it's really silly to be buying new clothes all the time when they're out of them in three to six months. Yeah.
Angela: 33:34
Seriously, it goes so fast. Yeah. So, do you want to share a little bit about your business and your company?
Kelli: 33:44
Sure. I can share a little bit. Um, I'm a clinical practicing herbalist, so I have a like private client practice where I support people with herbs and nourishment. And I run an herbalism school here on our land. And we have an apothecary business. I've been doing this for the apothecary business, it is around eight years old now, and I've been working with plants as medicine for about 12 years now, and it's definitely a path that saved my life, as I mentioned, where I come from. And that kind of is how I ended up here. I was looking for natural, safe ways to support mental health when I was transitioning off of medication, and here I am you know, 12, 13 years later, and it's it's just it's very fulfilling work. It's like soul work, it's my medicine, you know. Yeah.
Angela: 34:47
Yeah, I love that. So, what's your website?
Kelli: 34:50
We have two websites. The product website is earthspiralapothecary.com and the community site where I share my school. I have an upcoming online women's membership community that's going to be focused on like alchemy and kind of the more psycho-spiritual side of working with plants. And all of that information is on earthspiral community.com. Very cool.
Angela: 35:14
I will link both of those in the show notes. And yeah, thank you so much, Kelly, for taking the time to chat with me today and share your stories.
Kelli: 35:22
Thanks. This was lovely. I haven't I haven't told Tula's story like this yet. So thank you for the opportunity.
Angela: 35:29
Before you go, I just want to remind you, I have a ton of resources for pregnancy and birth. If you're pregnant, whether you're a first-time mom or if this is your fifth baby, I want you to check out the show notes because I have some free trainings and free downloads that you can sign up for, as well as the link to access MyLibroflow, a comprehensive, self-paced online childbirth education course. I created this course specifically for moms who don't want to be told what to do, regardless of where you're birthing or who you're birthing with. And I'd honestly love to teach you everything that I know so that you can prepare for an autonomous birth experience and prepare to step into your role as the leader of your birth journey. So, click to the show notes, check out all of those links, and if you ever have any questions, feel free to DM me at my mainbirth over on Instagram.