136. MyMaine Birth: Melanie’s Home Birth after Healing and Hard Lessons

Melanie: 0:00

I mean, they were all like, I think less than 10 minutes apart pretty immediately, maybe even more like five minutes apart and with increasing intensity. I mean, they just went into like this whole birth was just so straightforward. It was like increasing intensity, contractions closer and closer together until I birthed, you know. It's just like very straightforward.

Angela: 0:25

I'm Angela, and I'm a certified birth photographer, experienced duela, childbirth educator, and your host here on the My Maine Birth podcast. This is a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a stain-to-be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. Welcome back. You're listening to episode 136 of My Main Birth. Today's birth story guest is Melanie, and Melanie shared her first birth story back in episode 69. So go check that out to hear the first part of her story. It was a home birth-turned hospital transfer that catapulted her into a deep healing journey between the time of her son's birth and her daughter's birth, which ended up being a straightforward, uncomplicated home birth, and is the story she's going to be sharing with us today. All right. Hi Melanie. Welcome back to my main birth. Hi. So for anyone that hasn't heard your story the first time, would you start by sharing a little bit about you and your family?

Melanie: 1:50

Absolutely. Wow, where to start? So we just welcomed our daughter. So now we're a family of four. I had my son in 2021, September 2021. And um, his name is Aurelio. We call him Leo. And now we have Delia, Delia Luna, who sometimes we call Luna Bell, that's her little nickname. And she was just born in October um 2025. So now here we are. Um my husband and I live in just outside of Portland in Maine, and we both run businesses. My husband runs a music studio, and he just opened a second location downtown, which is really exciting. So we have a music studio attached to our house, and now he has this really cool expansive state space downtown. Um, and I run an online coaching business, which utilizes courses, workshops, retreats, and more to guide people into expressing their magic personally and professionally. I have an app with over 150 guided rituals. I function as a mentor and I'm also a trained priestess, which means that I offer spiritual guidance to those who are seeking it in any capacity. And I train and certify coaches as well.

Angela: 3:19

Awesome. So you shared your first birth story back in episode 69 of the podcast. So for anyone who wants to hear that full story, you can go back and listen to that. But for maybe someone that hasn't heard that one, would you give like a brief overview of your first birth?

Melanie: 3:38

Totally. Yeah, I mean, it I think it went how a lot of a lot of first births and a a lot of a lot of births, frankly, have like seen this story very um, I feel like it's super common. And I've seen a lot of women who in my field, like who also own really successful like spiritual coaching businesses have a similar story. So I'm kind of what there's a part of me that wonders like what it is about the like ambitious nature and like um, I don't know, just that little ecosystem of yeah, what that means. But anyway, we could talk about that another time. Um, I really wanted a home birth. I planned for a home birth. I labored at home for 50 hours. And I told my midwives at the time that like my dream was to accidentally free birth and like have them like on their way or like in another room. But I really wanted, I wanted that level of autonomy and um the physiologic birth. I wanted that primal experience, and I also wanted support. And I definitely got too excited and didn't eat or sleep as much as I should have in early labor. And I ended up with back labor. So it was just a really long, drawn-out labor. And at a certain point, when I reached full dilation, my midwives encouraged me to do coached pushing and I said no a few times, but then I was like so tired, I couldn't keep food or water down. So I was really exhausted and I was just like, I'm ready to get this baby out. But then I pushed for like four hours or six hours at home and was not making progress, totally depleted my energy. The midwives were like, we legally cannot be here, and your baby's head is swelling, you've cap it, which I didn't know what that was. I didn't know that it was normal. So it sounded really scary. So I agreed to a hospital transfer. And I knew going into the hospital, I was like, there's gonna be intervention, so I might as well get some relief. And I could feel how exhausted I was. So I was like, if I could sleep, if I could just nap and get some fluids, I know I can push this baby out. And so I ended up with the epidural and napped for an hour, got some IV fluids, pushed the baby out. So, you know, it it was a pretty traumatic experience because I felt really not in my autonomy. I felt coerced, not only by the midwives at home who ultimately later did apologize, but also, of course, by the hospital staff not respecting my birth plan um or my wishes fully and just operating as, you know, as I would expect them to. And I went on a really intense PTSD healing journey from that. But ultimately, I am grateful that I had the opportunity not to go through a traumatic experience, but to go through a healing experience like that, because it did unlock parts of me that would have never been unlocked before. And I believe now that we have births that we're meant to have in order to shape us into the mothers we're meant to be, and I am a much more grounded woman with way more depth and empathy and just expansiveness than I would have ever had. And my son, of course, benefits from that. And I actually have a slightly different view of that birth now, having gone through you know, what was my ideal home birth experience, which is really interesting. I have a deeper appreciation for that birth now, which I was not expecting.

Angela: 7:34

Yeah, that's the interesting piece right there. Like the even if it's not the most positive experience, like what comes after that can really like open doors to places, yeah, that might not have been opened before.

Melanie: 7:48

Yeah. Yeah, I think if we allow birth to be an invitation into just expansiveness in all levels, because that is what's act of us uh asked of us physically, but if we allow it to be that emotionally and mentally, and you know, there's all of the rhetoric online of like let like surrender to birth and let yourself be brought to the edges of who you think you are. And it's much easier to do that with a super straightforward six-hour birth that goes exactly how you want it to. It's much harder to do that when you're met with challenges and um when interventions happen. Um, and I think that if we do sign up for that journey, and then we are given the opportunity of the harder birth experience, there can be more reward. And that's not something that I see talked about nearly enough because it's more seen like a failing on the part of the mom or the birth team. And it's almost as if the easier, more effortless, blissful birth you have, the better of a person or better of a woman or stronger of a woman you are. And it says something about who you are. But in fact, like having had the blissful, dreamy, straightforward, super simple home birth and a more challenging home birth transfer that's ended in intervention. I mean, way more was required of me for the challenging birth. And I did have a substantial reward for what that meant on the personal development journey on the other side of that, which was really something to sit with.

Angela: 9:35

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, there's a lot there. And I think it's really interesting what you said also in the beginning, how you think that this that story is common and you hear other people share like similar stories. Because I'm also been hearing since you shared your first birth story on the podcast, multiple women have come to me. And but like Melanie's story, like I resonate with her story so much, like that same thing kind of happened to me, and it's heartbreaking, you know, because that uh that's that's a hard, hard thing to go to through. But yeah, the the power and and healing from that is yeah, deep.

Melanie: 10:09

So I'm so glad that that it's that it's helped people. And I do think that there is what part of what made it so traumatic, and perhaps part of what has resonated deeply with other women, my guess, is that is the expectations that we hold coming into birth, and again, what we make birth mean in terms of who we are and how ego-shattering that can be. And not only the physical trauma being present or the provider trauma being present, but also just the um ecosystem that we've all created and and good efforts of like wanting to liberate women of oppressive, overly medical systems of care for birth. But that has also meant that women like myself, perhaps like these other women, who then feel so aligned with a certain type of experience and then don't receive it, it does feel like an individual failing rather than a failing of the system. Andor maybe it's not ever a failing at all, and it's just what it is supposed to be, and it's always just an invitation into expansiveness.

Angela: 11:24

Yeah, absolutely. Now, jumping into your second birth story, would you start by sharing how you found out you were pregnant for the second time? And yeah, like what your thoughts were on choosing your care after like your first birth.

Melanie: 11:40

Oh, yeah. So actually, this is such a magical component of this. So, my son, we conceived him somewhat unintentionally, like it was our one time where we were like, let's see what happens. And it was like the it was the um winter solstice. And so we were like, this is magical, let's see what happens. And like I we even used protection later in the month. So we kind of like swung. We're like, no. I mean, it was still like pandemic time, so it was a stress, very stressful time to be pregnant, but um yeah, we we we weren't really intentionally trying with that, and I did get pregnant. And then um, with Delia with my daughter, we knew we wanted to have two kids. I felt so strongly to the point of like anxiety that I really wanted to mother a daughter. Like I just was like, I feel this in my bones. It's something I've always wanted. I love my son deeply, and I'm so grateful for the opportunity to mother a son, especially in our world. I think it's an incredible gift to help shaping the future and and to have that opportunity. And I also just I'm such a girl's girl. So it's like I just really I want some of that energy too. And I had also been told by every psychic I went to growing up that I would have a boy and then a girl, which is why, like this is like four or five times like I was told this by psychics. So I just could feel it in my bones. My husband and I knew we wanted to space out the kids long enough for my son to have consciousness of like what's going on and to not feel abandoned and to also for us as parents to be able to give more fully to the newborn and not feel like we're torn in multiple directions at once more than we need to. So we waited a while. And I had been tracking my cycle for about six months before we started trying to get pregnant because I wanted to do the baby dust method, which is similar to the Shuttles method. My parents did this with me. They really wanted a winter girl, so they were super diligent about tracking my mom's cycle. They conceived me on Earth Day. Like magical like timing of everything. And um, my cousin Willow also did this with her kids, where she wanted a girl and then a boy, and so did this method. And so I read the baby desk method book and was tracking my cycle. And it just and I knew I wanted if I could, if I could create this, I was very hopeful of having a Libra girl. So specific. But I just I my best friends growing up were Libra energy. My grandmother is a Libra, who Delia is named after. And I just love that energy. And so I knew if I could have a Libra girl, one, I knew we would get along really well. Like we're gonna be best friends forever because I've always gotten along with Libra girls. And I just think that it's a really it's a harmonious energy, it's like healing. So I was like, if I'm gonna have a Libra girl, I have to get pregnant in January. And it just so happened that the timing, because to have a girl according to the baby death method, you conceive the baby three to four days before ovulation. And it just so happened that four days or three days before ovulation in January was my birthday. So I had actually already planned this birthday ceremony with my friends. Um, we had sound healing with Dr. Lisa from Higher Ground Women's Health. Shout out to her. She's an incredible um primary care doctor who also does sound healing. She's the perfect, perfect mix of like woo-woo and also really grounded, like legit medicine. And she came and did our sound healing. And I told my friends, I was like, we're conceiving a girl today. This is this is the time. So I was just like showered in in blessings and ceremony, and um it was so special. And we conceived our daughter that night. It's like so, I feel so lucky. I think it's a a mix of of luck and genes. My grandmother got pregnant on her wedding night. Like we just have these genes and um, you know, and an intention and care in terms of connecting to my body. Um, and so yeah, we conceived Elia on my birthday. So when I found out I was pregnant, I tested at the earliest possible time. And I actually felt the implantation happening when I was walking around Hannaford. I was like in the cheese section, I was like, oh my gosh, I think something's happening. And my first symptom was I broke out in hives, which didn't happen with my son. And that was pretty intense. Like I had hives all over my chest and my breast and my hips. It was like very weird, but apparently that's a a rare symptom that can happen. And um yeah, we, you know, my husband was like very sure that he was like, Oh yeah, we're this is it, you're gonna be pregnant. And I was like, you know, I didn't want to count my chickens, but um, yeah, it wasn't it wasn't a surprise, but it was a delight. And um yeah, I I still feel so, so incredibly blessed and lucky with that.

Angela: 17:19

Wow, that's really cool.

Melanie: 17:22

Yeah.

Angela: 17:23

Yeah.

Melanie: 17:23

Um so what were your thoughts in choosing your care? I knew I wanted to find the like oldest, wisest witch in the woods I could find. That was the energy that I was really putting out there, especially because our midwives last time were younger, they're like our age. And I was like feeling this. I I suppose I had this misconception that having a younger midwife would mean that they were a little more on the like up to date on some of the more recent ideas in terms of birth and what birth could mean. Like I had this idea that somebody who was more experienced would be more conservative, somebody who was newer would be more like open about all the different ways birth could go. And that is such a horrible misconception. I have no idea where that came from because it's the uh totally the opposite, I think. And so I knew I wanted to find somebody who was just like super comfortable with birth and confident about birth and trusted birth and had been around the block. And there was a handful of midwives I was looking at, and all of them were like retiring or like on sabbatical. And I was like, what is going on? Like, and Sam, my husband, was like, well, maybe you're gonna have your free birth. And I was like open, totally open to it. And I love that he was, I mean, you know, how blessed am I to have a husband that was so open to it? But um, I could just feel like there was a part of me that just really wanted to have that sense of like support so that I could fully relax into the process, knowing that if I needed somebody, somebody was there. So I found Heidi, who ran the midwifery school here in Maine until it closed a few years ago, and ran the birth house in Bridgeton until it closed like last year. So she's getting ready to retire. And she said she was only taking on clients she'd worked with before, like a few select people, only, you know, moms who'd have previous had previous babies. And I wrote her an email letter explaining my last birth experience and my vision for what I wanted for this birth, and also saying, like, you know, so many people are seeming to be retiring or like on sabbatical, like I just don't really know what options there are. And and she responded, she's like, you know, I I feel like I am actually the best fit for you, so I'll take you on. And so she made an exception and took me on as a patient. And um yeah, I mean, it was really cool working with her. She's attended over 1200 births, and so she really knows her stuff and is very trusting and seemed to have a pretty um like I could feel from her, she only wanted to work with me if I too trusted birth. She's like, I as a midwife, I could feel her energy was just she's tired of working with people who are like anxious and and don't want to commit fully to the process and trepidatious. And she really wants to work with people who were like willing to just ride wherever birth takes them and be fully surrendered and um committed to to home birth. Um, and so you know, I just think we were a good fit for each other. And she is super cool, like she creates all of her own herbal medicines. She's an herbalist and she runs a little like farm stand out of her house. And so we'd go over to her house for prenatal visits and she'd like give me heads of lettuce from her garden and you know, tinctures and and salves that she had made, and there's like always something canning in her kitchen. Like, um, you know, she was feeding Leo like blueberries off of her bush and um just a really sweet, um connected to nature energy, which was perfect for us.

Angela: 21:27

That's pretty neat. So when did you start care with her? Like how early in your pregnancy were you?

Melanie: 21:34

I reached out to her pretty early because I wanted to make sure that I found somebody that I was aligned with because so much of what I, you know, felt harmed by last time wasn't the experience of birth itself, but the way in which I was supported and so or not supported. And I yeah, I must have reached out to her pretty early on, like six, seven weeks pregnant, you know, like pretty soon after I found out. And I think our first visit must have been, you know, 10 weeks, 12 weeks, something in there, like pretty standard. And, you know, we follow the standard protocol. I mean, she has done a lot of work, to my understanding, in creating some of the legislation around licensed midwifery care. So in a lot of ways, or all of the ways, she follows the general, like the guidelines of midwifery care in the state because she helped shape them. So it was pretty, you know, it was the standard midwifery care in terms of how often I was seeing her. But what I really liked about her is she, you know, she, because I'd been through a pregnancy before, she was very open to me doing whatever tests I did or didn't want to do. You know, she was okay if I didn't want to do an ultrasound or if I wanted to do lots of them or whatever. She was very open to me just being in full autonomy over the decisions I made, which was great because I had already made up my mind around what I wanted to do. And um, and that was yeah, super helpful. And ultimately, I think she just, yeah, it feels like she held the energy of like, I need you to fully trust yourself, you know, like you just have to be in self-trust in order for me to show up and support you to the best of my ability. And that's such a cool energy for a midwife to hold.

Angela: 23:33

Yeah, I think that's so important and also like great advice for other mothers, too, to you know, kind of lean into. So, how are you feeling throughout your pregnancy?

Melanie: 23:44

Oh man, the hardest part of this whole journey was my first trimester because I was on the hyperemesis spectrum. So I didn't leave my bed for at least eight weeks. It was rough. I was doing like Zoom calls, coaching calls from my bed, and just like really, really bad energy. Like it just was so sick. And I actually ended up taking the Unison B6 combo, even though I really try not to take very much at all. And so that was like a big, like I don't even really take Tylenol or Advil very often or like cold medicine. Like I'm more of a like ginger lemon tea kind of girl. Though I will, of course, like, you know, if real medicine, like modern medicine is needed, I will absolutely sign on to it. But like, um, yeah, that was a big deal for me. I felt so sick. And um yeah, it was just hard on our family because I wasn't able to mother in the same way. Sam was doing all of the child care for our three-year-old at the time, he was three, and it was just really rough. Like I had I really struggled keeping food and water down. So it was a couple of times it was a little scary. Thankfully, I never had to be hospitalized, but I think that's because I stayed horizontal for so much of it. Like, I think if I had had to go into an office for work, or I'd had to like, if I was solo parenting, like stay-at-home mom, like I think I would have ended up in a much more challenging situation physically. But because my business is so flexible, I set up my business to allow a lot of spaciousness in motherhood. I also set up my business specifically with that timing, knowing that I might have been sick because I was sick with my son as well, though not this sick. Um, I kind of anticipated it. I'd hoped it wouldn't happen, but I did. Thankfully, I did end up turning the corner in the second trimester, which was really, really nice. But I never in this pregnancy felt like, you know how some women are like, I had more energy than I've ever had, or I felt totally normal in my second trimester. I didn't even feel pregnant. Like I never had that. I had symptoms throughout this whole pregnancy. I had like pregnancy rhinitis, which is inflammation of the um of the nasal passages, and I still have it a little bit four weeks postpartum. Um, and I was nauseous on and off and just fatigue and I'm I heartburn, you know, like all of the run-of-the-mill symptoms. So, but I was able to like function in my second and third trimester, which was a gift.

Angela: 26:38

Yeah, it can definitely be a roller coaster. I I almost sometimes wonder if it's like there's a difference between the boys and the girls and the girl hormones and how that affects you, but then you hear different stories from everybody. So it's like, who knows? Right.

Melanie: 26:50

Yeah, honestly, I don't know. And there's all these different theories about hypermisis and like having deficiencies or having, you know, certain things going on. But I just did all of I like the summer before I got pregnant with Dr. Lisa, I did all of my blood work. I did um like really intensive hormone testing, the Dutch test. I did um a GI test. Like I did a huge like tune-up of my whole system. And actually, we found some things that I was able to heal, which was really good. But I but so I knew going into the like I had there were no more imbalances. Like I'd done prevented or preemptively, I wanted to be in like really good shape for pregnancy. So I'd done all of this like integrative health work. So I've, you know, I think it's just like luck and the body responding to different hormones, and some people respond more intensively than than others.

Angela: 27:50

Yeah, yeah, definitely. So I think at some point during your pregnancy, maybe it was like as you're getting into your second trimester, the whole thing that started to come out about like free birth and the free birth society and all of those things circulating around there. Did that mess with you at all? Or like what were your thoughts on that as that was kind of like unfolding, like while you were pregnant?

Melanie: 28:13

To be honest, because of what happened in my first birth and how horrid I felt about myself, uh like having had a birth, home birth transfer and all the rhetoric in communities like that around that being some kind of failure, like you didn't trust yourself enough, you didn't advocate enough. Like that's maybe not explicitly said, but it is absolutely the underlying tone of so much of the messaging. I had already distanced myself from communities like that, and I was very, very particular about where I was sourcing birth-related inspirational and educational material in this pregnancy because I did not want to get trapped into a toxic positivity space like I was before. And so, I mean, I I'm actually not even fully like up to date on everything that's happened. I've seen some things that you've reposted and some things that have like I've talked to other friends who have been in and out of the space. But by the time I was pregnant with Delia, because of the healing journey I did from my first birthing experience, I was already like in a totally different relationship with birth education.

Angela: 29:26

That's good. Yeah. So, what kind of things did you do to prepare? Like what things were you listening to throughout this pregnancy?

Melanie: 29:34

Yeah, to be honest, a lot of what I did to prepare was just my own individual inner work because I, you know, I read all the books and did all the things like with my first birth. And it, you know, I'm sure helped in some capacity, but also harmed in many capacities too. And I was kind of just like, I want to, I already know like what I need to know. And I just really want to go into this birth, really anchored into my own energy and the energy of this baby and with as little expectations as possible. But I did listen to some, I re-listened to some of the um Aina May's Guide to Childbirth, um, with some of the birth stories there. And I also read, this was like the one book I was like gonna read was Labor Like a Goddess, which my friend had recommended to me before I got pregnant because she had read it during her pregnancy, which was after my first pregnancy. And there were parts of this book that like were triggering for me because of my first experience that did have some of the same rhetoric around like the the more that you care about how your birth experience is going to unfold, the less likely it is to unfold the way you want it to. But also you have to have a birth plan and know what you want and advocate for what you want. And I'm like, oh my God, this is like such like it drives it's like driving me crazy because it's yeah, just so much of it feels like an oxymoron. It's like how is all of this true at the same time? But there are two things that I really liked in that book uh that I carried with me. One was the energetic birth plan, which I had actually used with clients like way back when I first started my business and I worked with women on their relationship to their bodies. There's this thing with the energetic birth plan that's like come up with the experience you want but then find the energy behind it. And that's what you anchor into. So it could be like I want to go into labor naturally. So I don't want to have an induction but what is the energy of that? It's that I want to feel connected to my body. And then when you focus on the energy of that even if an induction happens, you can still feel connected to your body. So I like how it anchors into the energy of what you want that can be transposed onto various circumstances so that you don't feel like you're losing the energetic experience that you want to have. And I think that would have been really helpful for me first time around. So I did carry that with me in this birth. And then also the surprise fairy I love this so whimsical like the surprise fairy visits every birth and the more that you resist the surprise fairy the more dust you're going to receive where that is if you welcome her then you know you're just going to have a little dusting. And so um I thought that that was a pretty like funny whimsical thing to invite in. So I was like I can invite in the surprise. So I carried that with me as well. I did do um some reading of Orgasmic birth and listening to the orgasmic birth podcast and opening myself up to what that experience could be and inviting in pleasure into the birth experience seeing birth as an extension of a sexual sensual experience which was a really cool frame of mind for me to be in um and and I created a vision board I actually had it I brought all my birth stuff with me so I wouldn't forget anything. I have this I created this vision board on Pinterest I can send it to you if you want but um yeah I I really wanted to be in the energy of like what I deemed the enchanted forest just this like wild unknown and anything can happen but all of it is magical and some of it might feel scary but it still is enchanting and um that was the energy I was really cultivating. But some of the things that I are on here was talking about how contractions are spiralic and anchoring into um welcoming in the pressure and welcoming in the intensity rather than resisting it and yeah trusting the magic of of the womb and being in a like on here it says it's a beautiful day to give birth you know just it's like anchoring into like it's it's all so beautiful and wonderful and um even if it looks challenging or scary. And I had continued working with my therapist who I found postpartum with my son. She's a midwife but also a clinical therapist and she helped me heal my PTSD and I continued working with her um less um with less consistent well no it was consistent but like not as frequently as I had been previously but working with her throughout my pregnancy was really really helpful too since she had helped me with my healing journey from my first and could help me prepare for my second with the wisdom of a therapist and a midwife.

Angela: 35:00

Yeah and she was online right I think I remember you talking about her in your first one she's yeah not in Maine right no she lives in Australia.

Melanie: 35:07

I found her because she had done this workshop on uh the detrimental effects on social media of social media on pregnant women and their birth experiences. Wow so did you also were you doing some pelvic fluorotherapy leading yeah so physically I did yeah I did prepare a lot physically and I hadn't done as much of that with my first and because I'd had back labor I really and I've had like a side joint lingering low back pain for years until um like I did chiropractic care and then I went to my friend Victoria who's an acupuncturist and in one session she knocked it out. I have no idea what she did but it was magic. But yeah I I really wanted to prevent back labor again. So I did continued acupuncture with Victoria I did chiropractic care the chiropractor I go to use the Webster technique and I did go to pelvic floor therapy with Emily from Public Wisdom who I'd seen postpartum with my son and she is pure magic. We did three sessions with her. So I did two sessions on my own for her to just like make sure everything was open and unlocked and aligned. And then my husband and I went in for a session where she helped show him different ways he could support me physically with with positioning and holding me in different ways. And she guided us through what I she called I think a meditation I would call a shamanic journey. Helped him feel more confident and secure in supporting me because we did essentially a rehearsal with her and helped me feel really safe and held by him. So that was stellar I honestly would recommend everybody to do that.

Angela: 37:09

Yeah that's incredible.

Melanie: 37:11

I think I've heard other women talk about that is that her birth portal experience I think she calls it or that sounds like what she would call it yeah yeah and I did a mother's blessing too with my with my friends who all happen to be you know intuitive witchy sacred minded women and um yeah that was a really special experience in in having that blessing way mother's blessing um to set up the energy for myself and feel really held going into birth. Yeah amazing so how are those final weeks and then days leading up to when your labor started looking like for you yeah I went into like full hermit mode I it was almost like it wasn't the first trimester again because I didn't feel sick but I did feel really exhausted. And so all I wanted to do was lay in bed and thankfully I could I took I started my maternity leave four weeks before my due date and so I had all of this spaciousness and my son went back to school in that the first few days or week after I started my maternity leave. So that was really nice. I had a lot of time by myself and that's what I wanted I just wanted a lot of time by myself. I felt the very primal drive to be in dark spaces alone like a cat goes into a closet to birth that was that was my energy. And I did have my cousin Isis come out and she stayed with us for a month. So she came out two weeks before my due date and left two weeks after and she's a physician's assistant and so she you know is somebody who has seen a lot of different physical experiences and isn't phased by things and is you know a member of the family. And so she was cooking and helping me clean out the closet and clean out the fridge and all of the nesting stuff she helped me with leading up to the birth that I wanted to get done. Yeah and the final few days right before birth I was pretty antsy but also really trying to be patient. I went five days past my due date which I was trying to you know not think too much about knowing that that was still in the realm of normal but I'd for whatever reason I'd had in my mind I was going to go before my due date. I just was like I felt this like I'm gonna go before my due date and I actually went into what I would classify as prodromal labor like the week before. So I was having pretty consistent regular contractions that would stop when I would lay down. And so they weren't like really progressing much. I would like I lost like bits of my mucus plug over that week and I would have I had a lot of like um lightning crotch like I could just feel her I could feel Delia like really deepening into my pelvic bowl and I was getting pretty like exhausted of just the weight like I remember the last 24 hours I was like I am so done it just was like I felt so heavy and um she was so low in in the canal already and I was just like this is so intense and I'm so exhausted. So I was pretty I was pretty ready for birth to happen.

Angela: 40:47

So how did things get started?

Melanie: 40:51

Yeah I woke up at 1 a.m um which was and is still happening like I throughout my pregnancy was already in the newborn routine like waking up every two or three hours sometimes even up for two or three hours in the middle of the night and then I fell back asleep for a little bit and I rolled over like half awake half asleep and like felt a shift and then I felt the water like begin to trickle and then I stood up immediately because I didn't want to soak my bed and so my water had had broken. And I had spent like that whole week in prodromal labor just really trying to kickstart labor. So I done all the oxytocin activities and spicy food and the miles circuit and spinning baby stretches. So like she was really engaged and I was all like the oxytocin was flowing like I was just already in it. And um I'd been like spending most of my time in the like you know with the peanut ball the flying cowgirl position and so that's a good one. Yeah it was really good. I highly recommend everybody have their own peanut ball. They're only like $25 online. They're really inexpensive and it was such a helpful tool to get her into the right position. I truly think that like the positioning work I did in the final weeks of labor made all of the difference with my second versus my first especially because I didn't have back labor the second time around but yeah my water broke I called my husband and I was like it my water broke and so he came and because I was actually bed sharing with my son. So my husband moved my he my husband was sleeping in another room to get better sleep not next to a toddler so my husband ended up moving my toddler trying to settle him down. I called my midwife and I also called my in-laws because they were on call to take my son to their house and I also let ISIS know she was staying in the apartment that we had we have like an um additional unit above the former garage which is now the music studio so we have an apartment in the house so she was staying over there. So I let everybody know and the contractions pretty much started like immediately and were intense with increasing intensity and after about an hour Sam got Leo settled and I was like in it.

Angela: 43:19

It was happening I really do think that that contributes a lot to preparing your body to really go right into it you know when you have a lot of predomining up to like when your labor like for real starts you know yeah yeah I would I would hope that it was doing something my made my midwife was like just don't tell she's like don't tell yourself you're in labor it's not labor.

Melanie: 43:42

Like don't even call it predromal labor. She's like she didn't want me to like get in my head about it I think or to get too excited. She's like this could go on for weeks. I was like oh my gosh yeah and I actually during that time because I had been taking red raspberry leaf tea and doing evening primrose oil applied like to my cervix and also partridge berry tincture which my midwife had made and recommended and she was like you should just like pause she's like you all of those things are working like maybe too well. So so then I shifted from that and focused on just the positioning work and resting. But yeah I mean it all I think it all contributed to letting labor just really kick into gear super quickly. Yeah so because a lot of so you're water broke and then the contraction started pretty regularly is that yeah yeah I mean they were all like I think less than 10 minutes apart pretty immediately maybe even more like five minutes apart and with increasing intensity I mean they just went into like this whole birth was just so straightforward it was like increasing intensity contractions closer and closer together until it I birthed you know it's just like very straightforward.

Angela: 45:03

Yeah so how did that morning go? Like when did your midwives get there?

Melanie: 45:08

Yeah so I Sam finally got Leo settled down and then came into our bedroom and I was singing um this song that's like I'm holding these keys in my womb and my womb. It's just like a chant like repetitive and I had this whole playlist of repetitive chanting music like songs by like a beautiful chorus and similar artists that were just very easy to anchor into and meditative and so I'd been kind of just singing and breathing through the contractions um about an hour in you know I was like Sam I need you here and so then ISIS went and hung out with Leo to help keep him asleep because he was having a hard time having transferred out of our bed and so then Sam was with me and I think about an hour after that I could feel myself get nonverbal like before that I was still able to like talk and I was present and we were joyful and connecting and then I just like there was this sudden shift where I was suddenly like I'm not able to like really focus on conversation anymore I'm not singing anymore. I'm just kind of like I entered labor land and so I felt when that happened and I said okay now you should call Heidi I was like I just felt myself get nonverbal time to call the midwife and then we applied the tens machine which 10 out of 10 recommend. That was such a helpful tool that I recommend to everybody. I wish I'd had it in my first birth and it was helpful because I was able to increase the intensity of the electromagnetic stimulation when the contractions were getting more intense and it gave my brain something else to focus on and it kind of it felt like it just balanced out the intensity of the contraction and allowed me to relax more into the contractions because I wasn't focused so much on how painful they were. And I also had the labor comb. So I had like the TENS machine remote in one hand the labor comb in the other I was um rotating between leaning forward on my peanut ball, sitting on the edge of the bed and then sitting on the birth ball and I also had the birth sling wrapped around my torso, which I loved. I used that throughout my pregnancy too um and those were the only positions I did and I had this whole plan like of doing all these different positions I was just it was just those three on repeat that felt good. And at a certain point I started throwing up which you know I expected because that happened with my first and so then it was just a matter of like trying to continue to have some fluid. So I had my husband bring me ice chips I had some apple juice. I was just trying to like make sure I stayed as hydrated and nourished as possible. And then Heidi arrived and she kind of just stayed you know she stayed in the next room like I really wanted it to feel very intimate with me and my husband and she knew that going into it I actually created I had a binder of my birth plan and like a whole not just like my birth plan of if I had to transfer to the hospital, which I did do that as well but I had like a whole write up of like here's how to support me like here's what I want and don't want. And I made sure everybody had um had a copy of it like literally a binder. And um you know I made sure I had like an insane amount of support tools available and I listed them all here so everybody knew like what they could offer me, knew how to talk to me. Like it says um one of the things I wrote on this is if it seems like I need to change the vibe, move positions, get at my strength or shift my energy, remind me to sing or dance. And I also respond well to a good old fashioned heartfelt pep talk give me lots of compliments like like all of the things of what I want to say, what I'd like to be offered in terms of food and nourishment. Like I didn't want anybody to when offering me recommendation phrase it of what does your intuition say about this rather than like do you want to do this? Yeah. So phrasing it with the intuition being the like invitation inviting choice maker. And then all of my tools so I had my TENS machine I had aromatherapy oil rose water heating pad labor combs ice pack I had a labor position guide birth ball peanut ball shower tub audiobooks two different playlists massage acupressure fan so much that I wanted people to be aware of that we could use and we ended up using hardly any of it just the tens machine the birth sling the peanut ball the birth ball the labor combs and then the tub yeah oh that's cool.

Angela: 50:08

Yeah I love how the birth really can help support you in those more upright positions. So it really can help bring baby down like and still like you're comfortable and supported like and your husband's arms are still like intact right like totally yeah it was helpful for me to just like be able to lean forward in a way that I wouldn't have been able to otherwise and that actually I I think who it helped the most was actually Heidi because she was able to get the Doppler in there much more easily with me feeling relaxed as much as possible. Yeah yeah it's so important. Yeah and I think when I heard you share this story on your podcast you mentioned about like going into the discomfort like during your labor. Do you talk a little bit more about that? Because I think that is so important and like you can really be you know like oh no that doesn't feel good and like kind of shy away from that but it's like going into that discomfort. Yeah like what were your thoughts on that?

Melanie: 51:08

For whatever reason that was not something that was in my awareness in my first ferthing experience and I wish it was because of the back labor I really was trying to like I was trying to relax into the contractions but I couldn't because my back was like spasming on the you know second half of each contraction and I was trying everything I could to not feel that pain because it didn't feel productive and maybe it was maybe it wasn't but like I just was like this is not good and and I just was not surrendering to that pain because it didn't feel like quote right and then this time around I was like whatever the pain however it shows up I shouldn't have an idea of like what it should or shouldn't feel like it should just be like this is the intensity and I'm gonna meet it. And actually Athena my therapist midwife shared a story of a birth she'd attended of a woman who just it was I think the first birth she attended and she said you know she was just in awe of how this woman had like ridden the waves of each contraction and just fully let it consume her and take her and um there was something in that story that you know struck me. And and then I was also just seeing more in what I was consuming in terms of birth information mostly on Pinterest I guess of like really surrendering to the intensity of of each thing and of each contraction and sensation. And so I had opened myself up to the idea that birth may not be painful especially in the orgasmic birth community and like wanting to invite in pleasure which I fully attempted to do and I did not have an orgasmic birth. That's okay I'm not disappointed about it. But it it was incredibly painful. And that's okay you know I think that's often what what birth is and um I invited it in and I just met I met the intensity of each contraction reminding myself like the more intense it is, the further along I'm getting the more pressure and pain I feel that's the closer I am to meeting my baby. And I vocalized yes throughout the contractions especially when I would feel myself resisting or I would actually start to say like no or like I would start to get into a negative relationship with it. My husband was really good about reminding me he's like say yes this is good this is productive you are safe like he did a really good job reminding me of all of that. So I would I would vocalize yes like I was in the birth tub at a certain point when things were you know pretty far along like I waited until close to the very end to get in the tub because I I feel like I got in the tub way too early with my son and that actually stalled things. I got too comfortable so I waited and I actually thought the birth tub was going to bring me more relief because it did with my son. It didn't it just everything was just still very intense but when I was in the birth tub very close to the end of like you know I think I was probably pushing around at this point like I just was like yes like just like roaring out yes and so intensely like it was um yeah throughout the birth I was actually just making as many primal low sounds as I could and that was super helpful and also making eye contact with my husband was really helpful. Just locking in with him or even Heidi a few times when my husband was like I don't know what he was doing taking care of himself probably getting water or something. But yeah all in all it was only six hours which you know was a lot shorter than my 50 hour plus labor and it just felt very straightforward. And so I got in the birth tub and then at a certain point I was like I feel like I have to poop and Heidi was like you're probably pushing and I was like no I swear I have to poop she's like I don't think you do and I didn't I was I was pushing and I actually don't even like I didn't have with either my son or my daughter the experience of transition like I didn't have that moment of like I can't do this or like this is the worst it's getting like I it was just kind of increasing intensity but I never had the like when people talk about transition I just I don't know I never responded to that portion of labor in that way. It was just all kind of intense and yeah and then I I started feeling you know like I was pushing and I was really intentional about pushing her out really slowly because I could feel she was a big baby and I didn't want to tear. And so I was like I pushed her out with I not very forceful pushes like I really tried to just let my body push her out rather than me like working really hard to push her out I just tried to let the ejection reflex take over as much as possible. And yeah she was a big baby almost 10 pounds.

Angela: 56:22

So yeah what was it did you give like a few pushes or does she kind of just emerge with the contraction so how'd that yeah I did push I mean to be honest like it was kind of hard to tell the difference between like I was I had the urge to push.

Melanie: 56:40

I remember with Leo and I had the epidural but I could still feel my body just pushing him out. Like I actually I obviously wasn't actively trying to push very much with that but I could like it really felt I felt the fetal ejection reflex with him and with her it was more of a like my body is telling me to push not like my body's pushing on its own. So that was a different sensation. And so because it wasn't my body pushing on its own and more of a like I think my my body is telling me to push it's interesting it can show up in those different ways but yeah I I was pushing her I think I it was probably I mean it was probably less than 10 pushes it was pretty minimal and when I got to the ring of fire I was like the ring of fire sucks. This is so awful and I remember thinking like I can't believe how many women across time have like dealt with this um and yeah she her head emerged and because I was pushing pretty like I was trying to be really conservative with my pushing her head emerged and then she only like was out to her nose. And so Heidi got a little you know concerned about that. And I don't think it's that my pushes weren't effective. I think I was just like intentionally pushing conservatively. So then she was like you need to like not wait for the next contraction and just like push because she was worried that maybe that meant she was going to get stuck or something because she was a big baby. And so then I didn't wait for the next contraction I just pushed and she slid right out. Yeah so she is like nine pounds 11 ounces or something like that. And I tore like very minimally didn't need stitches um being in the water I think really helped all of the pelvic floor therapy really helped I'm sure. And then yeah they I was in a like half squat position. So um I had like my left foot on the bottom of the tub with my knee bent and but I was on my right shin. So kind of this like half yeah half squat and um and then I pushed her out and pulled her up you know between my legs and um the midwives caught her. I think Heidi caught her and my intention was for me to catch her but or for Sam to catch her but I could not have caught her like in the position I was in. And I think that's like you know that's where the surprise fairy comes in like could I get totally hung up on that I didn't catch my own baby because that was something I really wanted to do. Sure but I'm I'm not because I'm just like you know I was in the position that allowed me to push the way that I wanted to push and that like I couldn't have moved to a different position if I tried like I was like this is my position I'm birthing in right now. And um that's when it's helpful to have another set of hands and that's why I had them there. And so they passed her to me between my legs and I laid back on the tub and brought her up and she was like not even crying. She was just she's so chill still she's just the chillest baby and I did the thing that like um I've seen Talked about that I think some women have felt shame about, but I don't feel this. I like didn't even really look at her for like a minute. Like I was just out of my body. Like, I don't think I looked at her face for like until after I delivered the placenta. Like I was just very much out of my body in the stars. Like I, it was such an intense experience that I just was like, it took me a while to really come back into come back to planet Earth. And um, but I still sang to her right after she was born, which I did with my son as well. Um, the song that I'd sang to her throughout my pregnancy with her so that she would remember it and feel that connection. And yeah, that I mean, and then I birthed the placenta on the birth stool. And I was really surprised that like I was, I think I was anticipating having this like big sense of relief as soon as she was born, and having um all of the hormones like flood my body immediately and feeling like the ecstatic joy some people talk about, and that is not what happened. Like my contractions kind of continued for a while, like I was in a lot of pain still, and I did not feel ecstatic, and that's okay. You know, it was still very like magical and beautiful and and meaningful. It was just like I remember in the moment being like, Why am I still in pain? I'm still having these contractions, yeah.

Angela: 1:01:38

It's like you want that relief, but the after pains sometimes are a little bit worse with each baby, I think. So a little bit to do with it. Yeah. So how long until your placenta um was delivered? Was it like a little while or was it pretty quick?

Melanie: 1:01:53

I don't think it was that long. I want to say like 10 or 15 minutes. Yeah. Um, and I just hopped out of the birth tub and sat on the birth stool, and Heidi was like, just give a push and it'll come out. And so that's what I did. And then um, we waited up quite a while to cut the cord, and I cut her cord, which was very cool. Yeah, we waited until it was like, you know, white, not pulsing. And yeah, we did a placenta print, which is really cool, and then we buried it in the garden, right? Like my son's placenta was buried on the left side of one of our garden arches, and hers is on the right. So that's really cool. They're right next to each other. And yeah, it was a thick placenta. Heidi was like, This is a really big placenta. And I actually remember like during my pregnancy, I'd had this like bulge on my upper right abdomen, and I kept being like, How is that not her butt? Because of where she was positioned, I knew her butt was on my left side. And I was like, This can't, like, what is this? And then I realized afterwards, like, oh, that was my placenta, like bulging, like creating this bulge in my abdomen because it was such a big, thick placenta, big baby, big placenta.

Angela: 1:03:07

Wow, that's so cool. She is very well nourished in there. She was, yeah, absolutely. Oh, that's awesome. So, how has your postpartum been going?

Melanie: 1:03:18

Yeah, I mean, it was just the like best to be able to get right into my bed and to like have my oatmeal and my tea, you know, right after birth and to be cozy in my own space to take a shower in my shower. And the midwives, you know, hung out for like how a few hours and then and then left. And then, you know, we my husband and I just got to rest in bed with our new baby. And my son actually just went to school that day. So that was really chill. Oh no, wait, he didn't. It was a Sunday. He was with his grandparents that day. Um, but he went to school like the next day. So he just stayed in his routine. And yeah, he stayed at his grandparents that following night too. So they came and visited and met the baby, and then you know, Sam and I just got to have like a full 24 hours plus. I mean, 36 hours, just three of us, and acclimating. And it was just such a sweet, easy transition into newborn life. You know, the home birth, I think, like has it was it was in some ways like pretty painful compared to my first. Even though like I labored at home for 50 hours, the contractions were more painful this time around because they were more um, I guess, just more productive and you know, more was going on quicker. But um yeah, I think home birth is worth it alone just for the postpartum that you get because you're not having somebody come in every two hours and check your vitals and whatever.

Angela: 1:04:58

Why is your baby in your bed with you? Come on.

Melanie: 1:05:01

I know, I know exactly. Um, and feeding you like bland food. It's just um the hospital postpartum was such a shit show. It is, it's just like so chaotic. And I know some people have really great, I was at Maine Med. I know some people have really great experiences at Mercy. Like I've had some friends who were like, I felt like I was staying in a hotel and getting room service. So like I think you can totally have that blissful experience in the hospital too. Um, but for me being home and with all my things and all my stuff, like I just was like, this is perfect. And it just felt so easy. And it's been really relatively easy because she's a pretty easy baby. She sleeps well, she nurses well. Thank goodness. You know, I didn't have any issues breastfeeding the first time and I don't this time, which is really, really nice and something I don't take for granted. And our son is just really happy to be a big brother and taking on this responsibility. And he loves his little sister. He thinks she's so cute. And yeah, overall, like it's just been really, really blissful and and smooth. And you know, like all of the normal like things of waking up multiple times a night and dealing with fussiness here and there happens. But yeah, I mean, honestly, it's as I think simple and easy as I could have asked it to be. So I'm really grateful.

Angela: 1:06:30

Yeah, that's amazing. So now, as a final question, if you were to give advice to someone who's expecting or even new parents at this point in your journey, what is one of the biggest things that you'd like to share?

Melanie: 1:06:45

Oh my goodness. I think it would be to, I mean, I feel like I have like the practical advice of like, you know, get a tens machine, hire like the most experienced people you can find that you fully trust. I definitely think like dads need to prepare themselves emotionally and physically for the process too. But outside of that, I would say like the saying yes to the discomfort is a big one. Even I practiced that even in my first trimester. Like when I would be like feeling so, so, so sick, I remember like saying, like talking to myself, and I was like, I can't do this. I feel like I'm dying. And like I would then catch myself in that moment and be like, no, like I can do this, like this is good, like everything is working. And so I was training my brain, even at the beginning of the pregnancy, to shift that. And I think that that is a really helpful, um, helpful tool for just the mindset going into any part of the experience, whether it's a challenging symptom in pregnancy or just the intensity of birth itself.

Angela: 1:08:00

Yeah, that's really great advice. And I totally agree with that. It's it's so important to allow yourself to do that during pregnancy and birth for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much, Melanie, for taking the time to chat with me and share your second birth story today. Thank you.

Melanie: 1:08:18

Happy to do it. And I hope that, you know, in the way that my first story helped people, that this, you know, offers some folks some inspiration or healing and some capacity. And yeah, it's really wonderful to share the story. Thanks for having me.

Angela: 1:08:38

Before you go, I just want to remind you, I have a ton of resources for pregnancy and birth. If you're pregnant, whether you're a first-time mom or if this is your fifth baby, I want you to check out the show notes because I have some free trainings and free downloads that you can sign up for, as well as the link to access MyLibroflow, a comprehensive, self-paced online childbirth education course. I created this course specifically for moms who don't want to be told what to do, regardless of where you're birthing or who you're birthing with. And I'd honestly love to teach you everything that I know so that you can prepare for an autonomous birth experience and prepare to step into your role as the leader of your birth journey. So, click to the show notes, check out all of those links, and if you ever have any questions, feel free to DM me at my mainbirth over on Instagram.