142. MyMaine Birth: How We Birth Matters - Alannah’s Twin Freebirth Story

Alannah: 0:00

So I knew who I wanted before I even got pregnant. Um, before we even had a it when it was still an if, Morgan Gaines flourish midwifery. I had attended births with her. She was actually, she was the midwife at the first home birth that I ever photographed. And so, like full circle. But yeah, like before, so I had attended multiple births with her, so like communicated with her quite a few times, like photographed her quite a few times, seen her in action, and I was like, Yeah, like I want you to be my midwife. But I'm over an hour from her. So kind of like outside where she would normally go. And so, like before we even first decided that we wanted to have another baby, I was like, So if I had another baby, would you be my midwife, please? And she said that she would. And I was like, all right, cool, good, good, good. So I before I was even pregnant, I was like, it's Morgan. I want her to be my midwife. Like, I want her there. That's gonna be, it's gonna be that, it's gonna be good. And so yeah, so she was one of the first people who I told. And our first appointment, I think, uh like 10, 10 weeks. I think I was like 10 weeks. So just you know, going in prepared to to hear heartbeat, and so so they so her office is in York. I'm in West Gardner, so it's a pretty long drive to get there. But we wanted to bring the boys with us because you know, like we're having a home birth. So, like, we wanted them to be like really involved with the process and stuff, and obviously, like the the home appointment doesn't happen for a really long time. So we wanted them to come and kind of share in that like we're hearing the baby for the first time, and like this is Morgan, and you know, like all that. So we schlep them all the way to York. Um, you know, I've been throwing up a lot, I was like so uncomfortable, like I'm already like just like so tired and whatever. And so, like, we're just talking. Like, I've never had a home birth appointment before. So I'm like, this is so nice. Like your office is so nice, it's so comfy. I'm just sitting on a couch and we're just chatting and like Morgan's awesome, and like, so it's good. I was just like, yay, I love this. And um, yeah, so she like had the Doppler and we were gonna listen. And we weren't it we weren't getting like anything super solid. And she was like, Oh, you know, it's it's like you're early still, like we're just having trouble finding it. So she pulled out her little, like, she has like a little ultrasound thing that connects to her iPad or whatever. She's like, let's just look this way. This will this will be fine. So I was like, all right, cool. So she puts the thing on, and the second, the literal second that the thing turns on, I'm obviously looking at the screen, clear, I like clear, crystal, crystal clear. There were two little jelly beans, and I immediately I was just like, Morgan, Morgan, Morgan, and she was like, Oh, yeah. Um, and so I basically started like I laughed a little and that turned into like hysterics, and then I was crying, and then it was just like because immediately, because I know what that means. Not only does that mean like, holy crap, that's two babies, so that's already like whoa, but that in Maine, as we know, means a whole lot of intervention. That means my home birth is gone, Morgan is gone, like everything that I wanted gone. And it was like I I I cried for so long. And of course, the boys are there, like our three, and I'm literally like sobbing, and they're like, uh, you know, and Morgan's like, it's just a lot, like it's you know, like she like says a little thing to them, but she literally just like sat next to me. She didn't really say anything other than like it's gonna be okay. She put her hand on my arm, and my husband like got in front of me and he's like holding my and he's like, It's it's okay, it's gonna be okay, like we can do this, like whatever. And I'm literally just like, uh, like a sobbing mess. And all I could think, and all I could say really was like, I can't fight. I can't fight my way through this. I can't, I can't be in a hospital, I can't fight my way through this pregnancy. I don't want to do that because all I could see was like high risk, OB, operating room, C section being pushed on me, like all of these interventions, all of these extra appointments, like all of these things that I was like, I don't want any of that. Like I finally was gonna have like this dream birth. I was finally gonna have my home birth, I was gonna hopefully be in the water. Morgan was gonna be there, it was gonna be the best. And then all of a sudden, because I, you know, being in the birth world, I knew instantly the second that I saw, I was like, it was gone. It was like it was like ripped right away from me.

Angela: 5:16

I'm Angela, and I'm a certified birth photographer, experienced duela, childbirth educator, and your host here on the My Maine Birth podcast. This is a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state's biggest hospitals, birth center births, and home births. Every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a student-to-be mom, a state of the mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. Welcome back. You're listening to episode 142 of My Made Birth. As we close out another year of sharing birth stories here on the podcast, I am so honored to have Alana here with me for these final episodes of 2025. If you've listened to episode 141, you've already heard her share her first three birth stories. And in this episode, Alana shares all about her twin pregnancy and free birth story. Part two of our conversation picks back up with a chat about Alana's journey to becoming a professional birth photographer. You can connect with Alana and her work on Instagram or Facebook over at Birthbody Photography, or you can also visit her website, birthbodyphotography.com. All right, here you go. What was the shift then when you started birth photography after that? Then how did that happen?

Alannah: 6:53

Yes. Birth photography. Yeah, so I got my photos back from my third birth. And I was, I literally like, I looked through them and I was like, I could do that. It was like this literal light bulb that went off for me. Like I knew after my oldest was born that like I'd really love to sort of get in the the the birth scene somehow, but I didn't really, I couldn't really like figure out what that meant for me. And I was just so in motherhood. I mean, like we had our three boys in like just under four years, which was like just a lot all at once. So I just didn't really feel like my time. I didn't know, and I didn't know. So, and I've always like had like a creative part of myself, like just various creative outlets have felt good for me making art of some kind. I had never picked up a camera before, that had never been a thing, but it was literally getting my photos back. I was like, I could do that. I could, I could do that, like I could be in the birth space, support births in this way, and also be making art. And like obviously that's cool, and I could just do that. I could totally, it was literally like ping, I gotta do that, you know. So yeah, so it was like pretty, I was pretty early postpartum. I mean, like the first like couple of months, you know, I got my photos back and it was like, yeah, I think that's probably gonna be the thing. And I had a friend who, because mind you, like, I wasn't, I don't know, like I wasn't just gonna like put myself out there to the masses and like, I want to photograph your birth, like I don't know what I'm doing. I I'm not a photographer, like so. But I had a friend who was pregnant, and I was like, hey, so I kind of think I want to be a birth photographer, but I kind of feel like I need to see if if I do actually want to be a birth photographer. So could I go to Europe? I just kind of put it out to her, and I was like, totally for free. Like, I have I make no no promises on if anything will be good, um, you know, whatever. And she was like, Yeah, like she agreed and invited me to be there. And this was like months down the road. So, so yeah, so I ended up like I went to her birth and was it a hospital birth or a home birth? Yep, it was a hospital birth at Maine General with my midwife, who who actually she ended up seeing her and like switching to see her because I said that I had a good experience with her. Um, so that was kind of cool. I got to see her again. And yeah, and like they're yeah, like her and her husband are like friends, you know, like we knew, like my husband and I knew them, so it was like they were familiar to me. I'd been to Maine General, I had met the midwife, you know, so it was like, I don't know, it's just kind of cool. Um and the the photos are okay. It was my first time. I've learned so much since then. But I was like, you know what? Yeah, that was really cool. I had never seen or been to whatever any births other than my own. That was the first one for me, and it was like, yeah, okay, cool, like, yeah, this is this is cool. This is fun. I like this. I want to do that again. Um, and so like I just kind of kept trying to to learn and to research and um and kind of put myself out there and found a couple more people, kind of, and just kind of kept kept on rolling and and here we are now.

Angela: 10:51

Yeah, how cool. Oh my goodness.

Alannah: 10:53

Yeah, it was a literal aha moment. Like, turns out those are real. Who knew?

Angela: 11:00

Oh, that's awesome.

Alannah: 11:02

Yeah, I feel very fortunate because I think that becoming a birth photographer really, really shifted so much for me. Like, I mean, it has connected me with people who are just like so amazing. It definitely has shaped, like, I mean, my last pregnancy, like my twin pregnancy, like, oh my gosh, like, thank God that I had seen so many births and been in been to home births, and you know, all of that, because it really like I I don't know, I think that things could have been different in a way that I did not like if I hadn't had all of these experiences when I found out that I was pregnant with twins, like it could have just been way different.

Angela: 11:59

So yeah, there's a lot that happens to poor twin mamas in the system.

Alannah: 12:05

Oh, truly, oh truly, oh, it's brutal, honestly. It really is, and I feel very, very fortunate that you know, not only was it my fourth pregnancy, so like not my first time around the block, but I also was a birth photographer. And so, like, I saw what birth could be. And so, even before we were officially like, yeah, let's have one more baby, which was like a multi-year thing that it was like, uh uh, one more four, uh okay, uh, I don't know, uh like just back and forth forever. Um, because I knew, like, well, okay, so if we have another baby, like postpartum support's gonna have to be way different. I'm gonna have to prepare way differently. I'm gonna have a home birth. Like, it was all of this stuff where I was like, I'm gonna be home, I'm gonna do this, I want I wanna finally have a water birth, like I want to do all of this. Um, and honestly, like having that birth experience, like that's part of what I wanted. Like, not just to have another baby, but to also have that kind of experience after seeing so many times like what that care could be like and how birth could be at home. And so I yeah, so we ended up deciding we were gonna have another baby, and another baby was two babies, and I still was like, I gotta, oh my gosh, I gotta figure this out.

Angela: 13:32

Like, so how did you find out you were pregnant with the twins?

Alannah: 13:36

Yeah, so I uh yeah, so got pregnant quickly again, as always. And actually, my husband, like before it was like within the time that I could take a test, he was like, You're pregnant, you're pregnant, oh pregnant. Like, and I was like, I don't know. I didn't know first. Well, every other time that I took a test, except for like the one month that it didn't happen with my second pregnancy, like it was positive right off. I didn't like take tests and they were negative, and then a few days later I took them and they were positive. Like that wasn't how it went, but that was how it went this time. I took a test on the super early end of when I could, because I have no patience whatsoever, and it was negative. And I was like, huh, okay, that's fine, okay, whatever. Um, and then I still was just like, uh, well, we're still in that window. I don't know. And so I took another test and it was positive. I got up, I like had all my all my things were prepared. Like my husband didn't know that I was like, I always buy pregnancy tests in secret, like a maniac. I don't know, like as if he's not partaking in, you know, whatever. So like so silly. But um, so I got up at like I don't know, 5 a.m. or you know, because the first P in the morning is the best one. And I was like, I don't want anyone to know everybody was asleep. I was able to just like go into the bathroom all quietly by myself. Um and it showed up positive. And I was like, oh my God, like of course, of course, because you know, like my husband's like, you're pregnant. I'm like, I don't know. And I was like, go figure. Um, and I want it because like this was gonna be our last baby. So I was like, I want to come up with like a really sweet way to tell him, like whatever. Um, and I just went in and I just like woke him up. Like it was not like this well thought out. I mean, like the the well thought out piece actually was like I had this sort of idea before we um we decided like for sure, like, okay, like we're gonna try to have a baby. I wanted to have I wanted to like take videos of like me finding out and like him finding out and like the boys finding out, and I wanted to take these videos. And so like I had my camera like rolling to take a video of him. And I mean, that's our announcement video, so like you probably saw it. Um, yeah, so so yeah, and of course, like you know, our boys are still like waking up during the night and stuff, and he kind of like heard me come in a little bit, and I sort of like, you know, one he sees me and he was like, Oh, get me up for a night. Like, and I was like, Well, that's not gonna change. Like, I held up the pregnancy test and he smiled and like pulled me in for a hug. And like I just like happy cried a little bit, and it was very sweet. And and then we were just kind of like in disbelief, like, oh my god, okay, yay! Like we were happy, but also like, oh my god, like, oh, okay, we were out of practice, you know. Like our at the time youngest was like four, you know, or like about to be four. And so it was like, oh my goodness, like this has been a while, okay, like this is exciting, and oh my goodness, and like we were excited to tell the boys, but like didn't know like how we wanted to do it, you know. So it just kind of like brought up all of this, like, oh, excitement, and yeah, so it was cool. We were we were happy. We didn't know it was twins at the time, we just thought it was just the one. So that was pretty wild.

Angela: 17:11

Oh my gosh. So, what were your thoughts in choosing your care? Did you have like a certain midwife that you wanted to go with? How did that kind of unfold like after you found out?

Alannah: 17:19

Yeah, so I knew who I wanted before I even got pregnant. Um, before we even had a it when it was still an if, um, Morgan Gaines flourish midwifery. Um, I had attended births with her. She was actually, she was the midwife at the first home birth that I ever photographed. And so like full circle. But um, but yeah, like before, so I had attended multiple births with her, so like communicated with her quite a few times, like photographed her quite a few times, seen her in action, and I was like, Yeah, like I want you to be my midwife. Um, but I'm over an hour from her. Um, so kind of like outside where she would normally go. And so, like before we even first sure decided that we wanted to have another baby, I was like, So if I had another baby, would you be my midwife, please? And she said that she would. And I was like, all right, cool, good, good, good. So, so I before I was even pregnant, I was like, it's Morgan. I want her to be my midwife. Like, I want her there. It's gonna be, it's gonna be that, it's gonna be good. And so yeah, so she was one of the first people who I told. And our first appointment, I think, uh like 10, 10 weeks. I think I was like 10 weeks. So just you know, going in prepared to to hear heartbeat, and so so they so her office is in York. I'm in West Gardner, so it's a pretty long drive to get there. But we wanted to bring the boys with us because you know, like we're having a home birth. So, like, we wanted them to be like really involved with the process and stuff, and obviously, like the the home appointment doesn't happen for a really long time. So we wanted them to come and kind of share in that like we're hearing the baby for the first time, and like this is Morgan, and you know, like all that. So we schlep them all the way to York. Um, you know, I've been throwing up a lot, I was like so uncomfortable. Like I've already like just like so tired and whatever. And so, like, we're just talking. Like, I've never had a home birth appointment before. So I'm like, this is so nice. Like your office is so nice. This is so comfy. I'm just sitting on the couch and we're just chatting and like Morgan's awesome. And like, so it's good. I was just like, yay, I love this. And um, yeah. So she like had the Doppler and we were gonna listen. And we weren't it, we weren't getting like anything super solid. And she was like, Oh, you know, it's it's like you're early still, like we're just having trouble finding it. So She pulled out her little, like, she has like a little ultrasound thing that connects to her iPad or whatever. She's like, let's just look this way. This will this will be fine. So I was like, all right, cool. So she puts the thing on. And the second, the literal second that the thing turns on, I'm obviously looking at the screen. Clear. I like clear, crystal, crystal clear. There were two little jelly beans. And I immediately I was just like, Morgan, Morgan, Morgan. And she was like, oh yeah. Um, and so I basically started like I laughed a little and that turned into like hysterics, and then I was crying, and then it was just like because immediately, because I know what that means. Not only does that mean like, holy crap, that's two babies. So that's already like whoa, but that in Maine, as we know, means a whole lot of intervention. That means my home birth is gone, Morgan is gone, like everything that I wanted gone. And it was like, I cried for so long. And of course the boys are there, like our three, and I'm literally like sobbing, and they're like, Oh, you know, and Morgan's like, it's just a lot, like it's you know, like she like says a little thing to them, but she literally just like sat next to me. She didn't really say anything other than like it's gonna be okay. She put her hand on my arm and my husband like got in front of me and he's like holding my and he's like, it's it's okay, it's gonna be okay, like we can do this, like whatever. And I'm literally just like, uh, like a sobbing mess. And all I could think, and all I could say really was like, I can't fight. I can't fight my way through this. I can't, I can't be in a hospital, I can't fight my way through this pregnancy. I don't want to do that because all I could see was like high risk, OB, operating room, C-section being pushed on me, like all of these interventions, all of these extra appointments, like all of these things that I was like, I don't want any of that. Like I finally was gonna have like this dream birth. I was finally gonna have my home birth, I was gonna hopefully be in the water. Morgan was gonna be there, it was gonna be the best. And then all of a sudden, because I, you know, being in the birth world, I knew instantly the second that I saw, I was like, it was gone. It was like it was like ripped right away from me. And I was like, I was devastated, I was horrified, I was scared, I was like, like all of the happiness just like sucked right out of me because I was suddenly faced with all of this, this unknown. In a way, it was like I knew, but like didn't. Like I knew what I was gonna potentially be facing, but like I didn't really know and I didn't want to do it. And it was just like, I don't want to fight, I don't want to fight through this. Like I didn't, I didn't want any of that because like with Morgan, she she knew me already. She knew what I wanted, she knew, and and it was simple, and it was like I knew that I could say it to her, and that's what it would be because she trusts birth and she would trust me and what I wanted to do. And like I and I and I trusted her, and like I knew that it would be fine. And all of a sudden, it was like everything around me came shattering down, and it was it was so scary. And my poor boys, oh my god, like that was not how I wanted that, like, you know, where I was like, it wasn't just this, like, oh look, we're listening to the baby, you know, it was all of a sudden it was like, oh my gosh, like this big dramatic whole situation. And I remember my oldest, he was like, I like, you know, because of course they think I'm crying, like about the b, you know, and I had to be like, I'm not, it's not about the babies, guys, not about the babies. And you know, Morgan was like, it's just a lot, you know, because of course I'm not in that moment gonna be like, this is what all this means, small children, you know. It was just like I couldn't even so, you know, but my oldest was like, he's so sweet. He was like, You guys are a good team, like, well, it'll be okay, or whatever. And I was just like, uh, like he's crying. But I'm like, oh my god, I love you. Like, you're so sweet. So that was a long appointment because it was mostly just me like crying. Um, and obviously nothing was even like 100% for sure because this was not like any official ultrasound. This was not like a real ultrasound machine with an ultrasound tech and a whatever. Like, this was just like Morgan's little thing, and this is like what we saw, and so this is what we're gonna go off of. But obviously, like really it was like at I did choose to have an anatomy scan at 20 weeks, and that's obviously what it was really like okay, like this for sure twins in there, like this is what's going on. But um, but yeah, so I mean, like, she just she explained to me sort of like the kind of twins that it appeared that we had die die twins. So they both had their own sack, they both had their own placenta that she could tell. So none of this was like official, official, but she was like, This is what I think. Um, and so she explained that. She explained that that that's you know, typically the least risky uh out of all types of twins that you could have. And that, like, we'll we will work it out, we'll figure something out, you know. And I was just like, okay, like, I don't know. It was just, I was my world was rocked. And I was like a disaster for like a couple of weeks. And then, of course, on the way home, like after all of that, like I'm so anxious. I'm like, I have a splitting headache because I've just been sobbing for so long. We've got all three kids with us. We were there way later than we expected to be. It's an hour and a half home. They're hungry. It was like a disaster. And then we get on the road, we made it to like the next exit, and all of a sudden, this super loud, we're on the highway, and a super loud sound, like I hit something, but I didn't hit anything. And I was like, what on earth? Like, mind you, I we're I'm like sitting in silence, like crying a little still, like out of my mind. And I was like, what was that? You know, whatever. And then all of a sudden, like I'm hearing like this boom, boom sound, and and I moved my rearview mirror and I looked back, and we had blown a tire almost an hour and a half away from home on the side, like on 95, like in southern Maine, which is like busy. And I was, I just like could have like jumped off a cliff. Like I was like, I can't take anymore. Because that's also like secretly one of like my biggest sort of like fears is that like on the highway I'm gonna lose a tire or something. And so, of course, like the tire blows, and I'm like, okay, and so then like my husband is on the side of the highway, like putting a donut on, and I'm like so anxious that like a freaking car is gonna run him over while he's out of the car, and I'm like staring at him in the rearview mirror, like watching, watching, watching, and like so, but like on those tires, you're not really supposed to go super fast on those donut tires, and so we took the back way home, which made it like double the amount of time. Um, and so it was like so late by the time we got like way past the kids' bedtimes, it's dark, and it was summertime, so it was late if it was dark. So, so yeah, and it was just like, oh my god. And my in-laws live on our property, and we didn't want, and we had only just told them like a few days before, like we kept it. We no one knew for like two months, like we were so silent about it, even the boys. So, but we didn't want the boys to blow it about it being twins to my in-laws before we got a chance to tell them. But they obviously knew that like the tire blew, it was like a whole thing, we're running late, whatever. So, so we finally get in and we're like schlepping the boys in and whatever. We get them in bed, and we were like, Well, I guess we gotta go tell them, okay. Like, oh my gosh. And so, but of course, I'm like wanting to. I videoed everyone's reaction to my pregnancy, right? So then I'm like, well, this is like pregnancy 2.0. So we again, even though it we're like in distress, we we still like my husband, like just dis discreetly like turned his camera on. So like I went over with with the ultrasound picture that you know we're we're assuming this is really it, this is really twins. And so like I hand it to them, and I was like, Yeah, we got to see, we got to see, and I hand it, and you know, they're like, What are what are we looking at? And I'm like, oh good, okay. So I was like, well, that's that's a baby right there, and that's another baby. And they were like, What? You know, it was like this whole, and we were like, Yeah, so it's twins, I guess, you know, like this whole, and they were literally like uh what uh like no, you know, it's like the best video because my mother-in-law is like, uh, I don't even know what to, I don't even know what to do with that. Like, uh, uh, you know, and I'm like, yeah, girl, same. Like, so it kind of added a little bit of like like a boost, sort of, because it was just kind of funny to like see them, you know. But we were like, I mostly my my husband was like probably internally freaking out, but like outwardly handling everything very well because I sure was not. So yeah, so that was that was pretty crazy. That was really crazy.

Angela: 30:12

Wow, wow. So yeah, it's a really, really big deal to to want to have that home birth and then to get news like twins or your baby's breach or sorry, you had two C-sections, you can't do this anymore. And right. Um so you had you had met Naya during your time as a birth photographer, right? Was when was the first time you sort of heard about free birth? Because you had also photographed a beautiful Christmas morning free birth at some point in between here, right? Like backtrack to that just like for a moment.

Alannah: 30:44

Yep, yeah. So it was definitely before I was hired for that birth that that I had um come across Naya's page on Instagram. And so like I definitely heard about free birth. I hadn't known anybody who had done it, I hadn't photographed one, um, and then I did get hired for one, and then she actually was gonna be there. So um, so that was really, yeah, the first time that I had ever witnessed a free birth, and it was like it was really awesome. I mean, like she did really great, and like I don't know, it was just really cool to kind of see what happens when there's no one to interfere, good or bad, you know. And I mean, that definitely like had an impact on me for sure. And I mean, I still wanted to have a midwife personally, but um, but it definitely just sort of like this like reaffirms like we were born for that, like we were designed for that, and we can do it. And a lot of the time when we quote unquote can't do it, it's because of something, like from the outside, not necessarily because of our own bodies or our babies. Like, sure, that might happen, but I think it is not as common as we may think, you know. So, so yeah, so that birth was really cool, and I was so glad to be a part of it. And and I know those pictures, like I think those really impacted a lot of people, and I'm like so honored to have been the one to have taken them, and that like I was able to share some of them because I think that like that's I mean, like photos like that and stories like that, it's like there's not enough, you know, there's just not enough. And for people to be able to see that, it's like it it changes things, so yeah, so yeah, it was really cool.

Angela: 32:42

So you had that in your realm at this point as you're processing twins and the loss of being able to have a licensed, experienced home birth midwife here in Maine. Yep. What were your thoughts then, like as things unfolded over those next few weeks?

Alannah: 33:02

Like yeah, so I mean, I was I was in like such turmoil. Like I I texted Morgan the next morning and it was like this big long message, and I was literally just like, what am I supposed to do? I don't know what to do, I don't know how to feel, I don't know what to think. How can I possibly do this? Like, I can't be in a hospital, like I don't want to be in an OR, I don't want an OB, I don't want to be high risk, I don't want any of this. Like, what on earth, you know? And she was just like, I know, I know, and I'm sorry, and it's stupid that it is like this, and um, and I mean she she said, like, this might not look how you wanted it to look, and and I know that that doesn't feel very good, um, but you know, but she was like, but like just like a day at a time, like just a day at a time, you know, and she just kept like I think just trying to like slow me down a little bit because of course I'm like out of it, like totally like just envisioning this nightmare that I didn't want any part of, you know. And I think she was very much just like, hold on, hold on, hold on. Like this, this might be this we might have to get creative here, like it might not end up how you really want, but like I think she was probably like knowing her, just trying to remind me that like I still have a voice, and like no decisions had to be made that moment, and like it was gonna be okay in the end. Like, it was gonna be okay, and like she wasn't gonna bail on me, like she was still gonna be there for me, however, she could be, and I wasn't gonna do alone, and you know, whatever. And I just was like, I just cried so much. I was so anxious, I was so upset, and I just like I didn't know what to do with it, you know. Like, that's such a twins alone is a whole thing to have to process, let alone when like the whole idea of like what my care and my birth was gonna be like changing like that. Like, yeah. So it was just like kind of a lot of back and forth with Morgan, just sort of a lot of me running over, like, okay, if I have to have a C-section, like maybe I can really push my way into a maternal-assisted C-section, like maybe I can make that happen somehow. And I'm like, I'm like running through all of these ways of how I'm gonna have to fight, how I'm gonna have to push and push and push and advocate and advocate and advocate. And like, it was just exhausting thinking about it. Like, I didn't want to have to do any of that, you know. And like I didn't, and like I knew a lot of the time that like with twins, even if they quote unquote let you have a vaginal birth, that they often are trying to get you to do it in the OR with a whole bunch of extra people because they're expecting something to go wrong and they want to be ready and whatever. And it was like, I just didn't want any of that. And so I mean, I was even talking to her about the possibility. She she asked me, she was like, Would you be willing to go to New Hampshire? Like, would you be willing to go somewhere else? Like, you know, and then so I'm thinking about that. Like, okay, if I went there, like what might that look like? Would I have to get an Airbnb? Do I know someone who I could stay with? Like, what would that like a hotel? Like whatever, like all of this, because you know, it was like I just I was holding on so tightly, so tightly to this idea that like I I have, I'm just like was so desperate to to keep my birth that I wanted, you know. So it was, it was even talking about talking about going to another state. Like it was like getting creative with how I could stay out of out of an OB's hands, you know, because that that was like literally the last thing I ever wanted was to be in that situation.

Angela: 36:57

So in New Hampshire, you are the home birth midwives able to go to the births with twins? I'm actually not too familiar with the law in New Hampshire.

Alannah: 37:06

I'm not honestly 100% familiar either. Um, I'm trying to remember back. So what I think it is, I'm not 100% sure about not completely sure about um like a home birth midwife, but I think that what it is is that what is it? A I'm like all of the letters. I'm like, okay, a CNM is hospital midwife, right? So they can I I think their license there is like more open to like they can also pra like catch babies at home too, or something like that. There's something like that. I'm like really trying to remember. Um there are midwives there that catch twins at home. And I think that they might, they might be seeing like there, there's just something with like there's more flexibility for them somehow, or something where they can kind of like do both or something. And like nobody quote me on any of that because I'm not 100%. But it was something like that.

Angela: 38:14

Yeah. Also, I think another like little loophole for moms that might be in this situation is a traveling midwife who's not licensed but still very experienced. Like, had you ever considered that?

Alannah: 38:26

Yeah, actually. Um a friend of mine. Um, I've never actually met her, but like friends online. Um she she's another birth photographer. Um, she's actually uh Hacinta, she's doing the documentary Allowed to Birth. So, like talking to her, she actually brought up is it Christine? I don't want to say her name wrong now. Chris Christine. Yeah, Christine. Um, she was like, would you be open to like a traveling, whatever? And I was like, I don't know, maybe uh like I was so just like uh and I was also nervous because like my my births, my last two births had actually been like kind of quick in the grand scheme of things. And so I was like, oh, like what if what if people don't get there? Like, I don't know what's gonna happen, you know. So it was kind of like I felt open to talking about anything, but was just so like nothing outside of giving birth in my house like felt fine. So like going to New Hampshire or whatever, this and that. And I was just like, I don't like any of this. I hate all of this, I'm so frustrated, I'm so whatever. And yeah, so it was just a lot, it was a lot of conversations, it was a lot of like back and forth with Morgan, it was a lot of back and forth with my husband, it was a lot of just like I don't know, and also like really isolating in a way too, because like even people who I talked to in Maine who had home births in Maine, like, and knew that I wanted a home birth. Like, they didn't know, like friends of mine, for example, didn't know. That twins meant that I wouldn't be able to do that. So they're like, oh my God. And I'm like, no, like I'm holding on to this, like really like devastating feeling. And like no one even realizes, you know, that this is like, so I'm like sharing that and just feeling like, oh my God, like, why can't this be simple? Like, why does it have to be like this? And just feeling like resentment, you know, I'm like, Maine, get it together. I don't know.

Angela: 40:29

Well, unfortunately, it's a newer thing. In 2020, was when the licensure law took effect. And before that, like I have uh heard a story just recently of a mom who seven years ago had twin home births. The only thing was the midwives wanted to have three midwives there, so one for each baby. Yeah, mom. But like it, like midwives who felt comfortable, you know, in that space were able to go and support moms and home that wanted that. Like, of course, like if a midwife doesn't feel comfortable with that, then they shouldn't, they shouldn't take on clients with twins. But like it's so ridiculous how the law like limits all midwives from a complex.

Alannah: 41:09

Right. And that was something that was so frustrating to me, where I was like, why don't I get to choose? Why don't I get to make that decision for myself with my midwife on what I'm comfortable with and what she's comfortable with and what risks I'm willing to take with my body and my babies and like all of that? Like, why don't I get to decide that? Like, that's crazy. Like, this is ridiculous. I was I was really upset about that. And I didn't realize that that was a like sort of a newer, a newer sort of a thing, too. So even more lame. Yeah. So yeah, so it was a lot. Um, and I did end up getting connected with somebody who like had been to like lots of multiple births and like was comfortable like being in that space and stuff. And so like she was gonna she was gonna come and hang out and like just kind of like be a presence, like supportive and like just like reassuring and stuff like that. Um, she actually didn't make it, she didn't make it to the birth. Um but but other than that, it was like I mean, you just like the narrative around an unassisted birth is like so weird because like even like doulas, for example, it's like, and even in the birth photographer world, like you just kind of like see these snippets of conversations where it's like, oh, well, like if you're going to a free birth, like don't touch anything, don't do anything, don't whatever, like keep your hands free, like you never know, like you'd be facing a loss if this blah blah blah. And I'm like, what is that? Like, I never felt that going to a free birth. I was like, first of all, like what am I gonna touch? Like, I'm not gonna be like, that's my baby, and like, no, I'm not gonna like do anything like that. Like, I don't know. Like, I might hand someone their water or a towel or whatever, but like sue me. Like, what? I don't know. I was like, this is so weird. Like, I've never felt that way. And I sure as heck didn't want anybody coming into my space that felt that way. Because, you know, I mean, that was part of like even going to a hospital, even if I could, you know, avoid, you know, being in an OR and like doing all of that, like it was still just like the whole vibe of like someone's waiting for something to go wrong. Like, I didn't want any of that because I didn't feel like that. Like, I very much, even though I was carrying twins, like I felt like it was like I was just pregnant. There was nothing wrong. I was just like it was just like a twofer. Like I had two pregnancies at the same time. Like the babies were fine, and I was fine, and like there's nothing major going on. And I felt like, why are we gonna act like something's gonna go wrong when something very well might not go wrong? Like, I don't want that vibe, I don't want that energy, like, you know, and I just couldn't help but think like how many twin births are messed with because of that, because something could happen, you know, and I just like was not I didn't feel high risk. Like, if I could just take that label off, you know, I'm like, okay, I'm pregnant with twins, but what about me is high risk right now? Like, I am healthy, like they are healthy. There's nothing actively wrong. So why are we gonna push me into this category and like just set me up for for intervention and for like just meddling? And I just didn't want any of that. So I was kind of faced with like, well, you know, like what are you, what are you gonna do then? You know, like, and so like I did have like find someone who was like happy to kind of like be a presence here, and so we were just gonna kind of like go with it because like I said, like in my gut, I was like, this is this is okay, like it's gonna be okay. Like I learned, I learned about twin birth, and you know, and she was super knowledgeable because like she like had been to and learned about lots of twin birth stuff, and so like she was sharing her information with me and just kind of like the different scenarios on like how they might come out or like what things might and like kind of just the way of things, and so it was like I was just kind of learning about that and just kind of riding it, riding the wave of of being really pregnant with two babies, and it was really hard. Like my body, it was like I was sick, I was tired, I was like my body hurt so much. I mean, like you think like for for how much you're growing and changing with one baby, it was that, but like times two, it was just like this rapid growth, this rapid change, and it was yeah, it was a lot, it was a lot on my body.

Angela: 46:05

Yeah. So were you able to have Morgan do your prenatal care, or was she not able to do that? Um, I don't know exactly what how that works.

Alannah: 46:15

Yeah, so I think like license stuff, like I think that like technically that she can and like because really like people like you could do like co-care, you can like kind of really I think there is flexibility with that. So I did um like talk with her a couple of times and I did see her, but like we didn't I feel like we didn't like officially really like get into stuff until after 20 weeks. I don't know. I mean I just like we just treated it like a regular pregnancy, you know, like when we were talking and like how are you feeling and whatever, and like so like I did see her and she still like took care of me postpartum and stuff, which was awesome. So like I still like got that benefit of like having my midwife in a way, uh but it really definitely sucked that it wasn't gonna be able to be the whole deal, you know, like start to finish kind of a thing. So it was a little funny in that way, but um, but like I just I knew that she was still like there for me, so that was really helpful.

Speaker 1: 47:16

Yeah, yeah, wow. That meant a lot, yeah.

Alannah: 47:22

And as you know, I still gave birth at home, so I did go ahead and do that because like, and it's funny too, like the you know, the possibility of baby B being breach is like 50 or something, you know, and like the way that they were in there, I was like, uh she might be breach, you know. In my pregnancy, I was like, that might happen. I hope it doesn't happen, but that might happen. But like once baby A is out, like there's room to sort of have them move around and you know, whatever. So it was kind of like you don't know till you know. And like all of my other labors had started more with like contractions. I had never had a labor start with my water breaking, so that was a new thing for me. And I didn't expect it. I really like I was I was 36 and four, I believe.

Angela: 48:13

Um more second before we're um you decided to hire a birth photographer for your free birth of your twins, also, right? Can you share a little bit just about that? Because yeah, I mean, even like kind of in comparison to when you were invited to a free birth, you know, like what you know, was she totally down? Like, how did that all go? Like setting that up.

Alannah: 48:35

Brie, yes. Um, so Breezy photography, Brie is like shout her out because she was like such a cheerleader for me. She was not worried about any of that. And if she was, like, I didn't feel it. She was super supportive, she was super just like right on, like you do you, sister, like all for it, whatever I wanted to do. She was like, I'm there for you. Because she she knew before I knew that it was twins that I was pregnant because she wasn't really like actively taking on birth at that time. And I was like, Hey, can you though? Um, and of course she did, and she was like, Yes, I'd love to. And I was always super glad about that. Um, because like her and I kind of like became friends before that. And so, like, when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, Oh, it'd be really cool if she could do that. And so she was willing to, and then I found out I was twins, and I was like, So I don't know what's gonna happen, but like I still want you to be there if you'll be there, and she was like, I'm there, and I was like, Okay, so yeah, so she was super cool. I did not feel any of that vibe of like concern or like any none of that, none of that. And she was the only one besides my husband who was here, so so that ended up being really cool. She was so helpful and so supportive, and yeah, I'm really glad. I'm so glad that she was here because honestly, like I was in doubt in like when I was in labor, and like my husband and I kind of ended up being like, Oh, okay, screw it, maybe you should just have her come. And minutes, minutes to spare. So, like, thank God. So that was pretty crazy, but yeah, she was there, and I'm so glad she was awesome.

Angela: 50:13

Wow, that's amazing. Yeah, she was a good present. Yeah, that's so exciting. Oh my gosh. Okay, so 36 plus four. How did things get started?

Alannah: 50:23

Yeah, so um, so yeah, so like I said, I never had my water just like break before, but I actually like was having that feeling for like weeks ahead of time where like I was worried that when I was going to the bathroom that my water was gonna break because I just felt like so big and there was so much pressure in like the toilet, like magic things happen on the toilet when you're like pregnant or like in labor and whatever. And and so like I kept being like, okay, I don't want that to happen too soon. Like, like, don't push your pee out, just let like don't let anything happen. I don't know. It was like, I just like had this like, oh, my water is gonna like break on the toilet. I was all worried about it. And then sure enough, I stood up from going to the bathroom and I was like, oh, maybe I wasn't done. Like, I don't know. But then there was like more, and I was like, oh, um, okay, I think my water wrong. So, but of course, time and time again, I've seen that sometimes when your water breaks, like nothing happens. And so I was like, oh God, no, don't let it be that. Cause like I don't want to go to the hospital. Like, I'm not doing so. I was like, okay, like this is fine. Like, we've got time. Like, there's no no worries. It's good. Like, I was just in this space of like, well, this was sooner than I thought it was going to be. But we've like got some time. Like, it's fine. We did not have time. There was not time. There was not time at all. That was foolish. No way. Um, my boys went next door to my in-laws' house, which they were gonna do anyway. Um, and then like while they were kind of getting ready to go, that was when my water broke. So I was kind of like, oh, well, okay. Um, and so my husband, like, he stayed home from work and um and like I called my mother-in-law and I was like, Don't freak out, don't say anything to the boys, like it's all good. Just wanted to let you know that my water broke. And she was like, Oh, um, what do we do? And I was like, nothing. Watch the boys, please. Yeah, I was like, just resume. Like, act, act natural, you know. Um, so yeah, so she's like, um, okay, but like, is any is something happening? But and I was like, no, like literally nothing's going on, like it's fine. Um, I was like, we probably have a while. And I had been having like bracket picks and like all that for my pregnancy. So I was just like, whatever, like this is not this is not a thing right now, but I'll keep you posted, kind of a thing, you know. She never had an update after that. Cause things picked up, like, of course. And I'm like talking to my support, I'm talking to Brie, you know, whatever. And I'm just like, just want to let you know, like, this is what's going on. But like, like, I think I'm contracting, like, it's manageable. I'm not like, you know, doubled over, having to do anything crazy to cope. It's okay. And like, really quickly, it was not okay, like, really quickly, you know, I have like have my husband like running around, like vacuuming and like doing this and like blowing up the birth pool. And I'm just sitting on the couch, like with my phone, like top chef reruns are on TV, like on Peacock. I'm like, it's so random. I'm like, what are you doing? But I'm just sitting there, like wearing a t-shirt, just sitting on a Chuck's pad, like just half naked on my couch, just just rocking it, just like whatever, like letting it go. Cause I'm thinking I've got a while. Again, no, did not have a while. And so, like, my husband's doing his thing. And I at one point was like, can you just be done? Like, I I need I need you to come here. Like, I need you over here. And he came over and I like cried. And because things were actually getting intense. I was having actually breathed through them, and I was like, Oh, no way, like this sucks. Like, just way too soon to be this uncomfortable. Like, oh no. Um, and he came over to me and I was like, and I cried, and which of course I'm like, oh, like you're about to push out a baby, duh. Okay. But of course, in the moment, I was not there at all. I was just like, oh, I'm not gonna be able to keep up with this. Like it's I'm just whatever, you know. And so, like, I want to get in the water, and so the tub is in our room, and like he's you know, getting the hose hooked up and whatever, and in the bathroom and bringing it out to the to the tub in our room, and what and I remember being like, is it full yet? Um, I'm just literally sitting on the couch. Like, I didn't do any, I sat on the couch, that was it. And he was like, Well, like the it's one of the earth, what is it, earth side births? There's like a little seat in it or whatever. And he was like, the water's up to like the seat. And I was like, Oh no. I was like, okay, I'm like so like, oh my God, I'm like really breathing. I'm like uncomfortable, like breathe thankfully was on her way. Because I had told her no. And then really quickly, Cam called her back, my husband, and he was like, I think you should probably come. So she came. Um, but not until so like so. The water was like filling up, and I was like so freaked out that I wasn't gonna get into the tub because I was so uncomfortable. I was like, I don't think I could stand up. Like it was there's like, I mean, I already was existing just with so much pressure because there was two babies and two placents. It was like so much on my body already. And then like standing up, I was like, oh, like, oh my god. So I'm like hobbling, hobbling, hobbling down the hallway with my husband. Um, like stopped for a contraction and was just like, oh my god. And I get to the tub and I like I got in and it felt so good. It was warm, it felt like a hug and I could relax. And I was like, oh, thank God. And I was still like very there for how like in labor I was. Like I was still very like present where I was like, okay, like I need you to do this, I need you to do that. Like I had him, like at that point, I didn't know where Brie was. I was feeling really uncomfortable. I kind of had like a grunty sort of feeling of one of my control, and I was like, oh God, okay. So I was like, set up your phone, uh like put your phone on a tripod, like turn your video on, get that going, whatever. And literally the first thing on the video, I'm about to swear, just FYI. The first thing on the video was me going, but what if I shit? And he goes, if you shit, you shit. I was like, okay. So that was kind of funny. Um, and yeah, and it was like Bree showed up and she was like, What do you, what do you guys need? And I was like, get your camera out. We're gonna have a baby really soon. And we did, I mean, I'm telling she was there for like five minutes or something. Like it was a very small amount of time. I was so relieved, thank God. And so, like, my husband was outside of the tub, he had his arms like in the water. I was kind of like leaning sort of back, like sort of like on my back, like however, I don't, that was just like where I wanted to be. It was just sort of like leaning back and like, yeah, and like on sort of like on one, I don't know, whatever. I was just I was in as much submerged as kind of much as I could be. Like my husband had his arms in and he was like, I I'm right here, I'm right here. Like, you're it's you're doing great. Like, I, you know, because I'm like, Do you I'm all worried? Like, do you have the babe? Like, are you gonna, you know, are you gonna get him? You know, and um, you know, so he's very clearly ready to receive. Because I wasn't like, you know, in a perfect world, I guess, like, I mean, I'd always wanted him to catch one of our babies, and it just never happened. And so I was like, this is the moment. And so then I had like a couple really like grunty, pushy contractions, and then it was like I had one huge one, and he one fell swoop, his whole body just I just felt him, his whole self, he just moved right through me. And like literally all at one time, like I still like I remember just feeling like that was his whole body, like he just came out, like it was so fast. And I remember just being like, get the baby, get the baby, get the baby, because I was like, Whoa oh my god, you know, and of course my husband had him. I looking back at the photos, like I also had him, like who am I talking to? I don't know.

Angela: 58:42

So um, but it was just like it happened, like one fell swoop, he was out, and and it's like a lot of responsibility, you know, like there's nobody there, it's like you. So that's probably why you said that because it's like, you know, you knew like you were in charge, right?

Alannah: 58:56

Right. And that like he was all the way out, and like you gotta get him, you know. Um, so like we brought him up out of the water right up to my chest, and like he was perfect and like just so little and cute, and like, oh my god, I was we were both just like whoa, like he's here, oh my god, you know, it was like I couldn't believe it. It had been three hours, literally three hours from my water breaking to him coming out, and it was crazy, and like we we did it, like he just came out and we're home and we're in the pool, and he's fine, and I'm fine, and like cool, like it was awesome. And we just got to like look at him and just I got to just hold him and I got to like hold him away from me and like just look at his little squishy self, and like it was it was awesome, it was really awesome. And for a brief period, and then I remembered like, oh right, I have to do that again, okay, and honestly. I had forgotten that there was a really good chance that I was gonna have a breach baby. I literally that 100% exited my mind when I was in labor. I wasn't thinking about it, I wasn't worried about it, I wasn't, there was none of nothing. And so like I was holding him, but I was like, and then I started to get really like freaked out. Like I can't hold him and have a bait, but like if I hand him to you, who's gonna catch the other bit? And like, like, so like I had hand him to my husband, but then like I took him back because I was like, Well, you have to, you have to catch her. Like, I don't like I can't, I don't uh like it was just like logistically, we were like, ah, like, or I was my husband was fine on the outside. I don't know on the inside. For all I know, he was like, um, HesoS help. Um, but he was he was so awesome. He was like calm. He was like, he was a he was a rock, it was really good. Um and Brie was like, You're amazing, like you did it. You know, she's like offering little supportive tidbits, and I'm just like, yeah. So so yeah, so then like contractions picked back up, like had enough, and I was like, oh yeah, okay, work's not done, okay, like and of course, like turns out, like when you push a baby out, like having to push a baby out again, like right after that really sucks a lot. So like a lot. Um, and again, I had forgotten that there was a chance that she would be breached until I like pushed a couple of times and I reached down and I felt her feet. And I was like, oh, right, okay. And I was so there. Like that has never happened to me with any of my other births, but I was very like, I communicated the whole time. Like to my husband, I was like, I feel her feet, I feel whatever. Like I was telling him what I was feeling, I was telling him like what was happening, whatever. And um, and so like push more, but like the contractions weren't like it wasn't the same experience where like the contractions were happening, and then like my body was taking over. I felt like I had to put more effort into pushing, where like before my body was just doing it. Um, and so like that was way different and really hard, like really like painful in like a whole other way because obviously everything just I just did all that. That was so much. And she was literally facing every wrong direction. So she was facing, she was, I guess you would call setting side up, she was facing up and feet first. So, like 100% incorrect. Like, so and you know, I had I learned about all that, I'd gone over all of that during my pregnancy, like okay, like this, like if that happens, like literally that's like the least ideal situation, and especially if her arms were up, extra not ideal situation. Guess whose arms were up? Hers. So literally everything that was like, we don't want that, all of that happened. And so I'm like pushing and I'm working, and like I'm having instead of like it's like the contractions weren't actively like kind of, which I know is like a twin thing too, but it's like they weren't actively coming, and I wasn't having that like fetal ejection reflex feeling. And so it was like I was having to consciously push. And so, like when like more of her came out, I was like, okay, like I think like I feel her cord, I think I feel like some of the amniotic sack, like okay, like I was like, I'm like describing everything, like I was so there, which is like wild. There was a baby half out of my body, like, go you, like self-five. So I'm like going through all of that, and like I got to a point where like I pushed and and looking back, like I wasn't pushing with all my might. I I was in it, it was painful. It was really uncomfortable to do that after just doing that. Um, and especially she wasn't facing any of the right ways, so that's already like we're kind of like fighting a little of that too, and so so I I know that I wasn't giving all of what I had to like get her out. I was kind of like shying away from it a little bit. And and I got to this point, I literally was like, I can't get her out. And I was feeling a little bit of stress, and I had felt like before, like like maybe her feet were out at that point, and I had felt like liquid come out when I pushed, and it was blood for sure. Probably some amniotic flu, too, but it was definitely blood. Like I saw it. Um, and I had like this moment of like wooziness and whatever, but but I like brought it back together. I like was okay, whatever. Like I knew that, like with twins, probably gonna lose more blood. Okay. So I'm like talking myself like inside my head, like talking through all of this, where I'm like, nope, it's okay, you're okay. Like, blood, that's okay, like that's fine. Take a breath, like keep going. Like it was like this whole like internal dialogue while also like explaining on the outside to my husband, like some of what's going on, too. And so he just keeps like, I got her, she's right here, you know. And I'm literally like, I'm turning to Brie and I'm like, watch him, like, because I'm holding a baby while pushing out a baby. So I'm like, watch him. Cause I was so afraid that I was gonna dip him down into the water. I was like, keep your eye on him, please. Like, if he's close, like tell me so I can lift him up. And she was like, I got you, you're good, you know. And so I'm just making sure, like, help me, like keep an eye on the whole thing here. And so, so like I push and I'm like, you know, is more of her out. My husband's like, Do you need me to do something? Do I need whatever? And I was like, No, no, no, no. Um, when really, like, if someone had been there, they would have done something about it. Because that's not a good her arms were up, like it was not because I remember being like, are her arm? And he was like, No, I don't see her arms. And I was like, How much of her is out? And he was like, I think we're around her nipple line. Like he's trying to, you know, but like under the water, it's bloody, like it's a whole thing. Um, and so I'm like, Okay, this is not, this is not what we want. Okay, but I'm still like, I mean, what are I have to push her out? Like, what are we gonna do? You know, so and I said, like, I can't get her out. And but of course, I was like, no, like you're gonna have to get her out. So, so like pushed more, pushed more. And I even at one point was like, I asked my husband, like, can you like not like pull on her, but kind of just like put a little tension a little bit? Because I was like, I don't know like how close she is to being able to like get the rest of the way out, you know, and and he did that, and I was like, nope, don't do that. And he was like, Okay, you know, so we were kind of like trying to work through it and um and finally like gave gave some some big pushes and she came out and like came right up to me, and I could tell right away she was not like she wasn't like that pinkish sort of color that you know, they pink up, but you can kind of like they have that already a little bit. She didn't really have that. Um, and I've seen babies who are floppy when they're born, like I wasn't alarmed. It was just sort of like this acknowledgement of like, okay, this is where we're at right now. We might need to like do something, and not something that was like emergent, but I knew that like, okay, like I can pat her, I can talk to her, I can like stimulate her. And I even like put my mouth like over her mouth and her nose and like sucked a little bit. And then I even like kind of gave a little breath just to kind of whatever she made a noise. Um, and like her color kind of took a little bit of time, but like I just knew that she was okay. Like she was moving, she wasn't actively like crying, but like I just felt like I just felt that she was okay, even though she was looking a little eh. Um, but she was moving, she made a noise, she was a little whatever, and I just kept talking to her, whatever, like moving through it, moving through it. And she was okay. And then, you know, and my husband had gotten into the tub. So he was holding our boy, and I had our girl. We were just sitting there together, and we were just like, oh my god, like we both like had tears, we were smiling, we were so happy, like it was amazing. We were just like, oh my god, like oh my god, like my water just broke like three and a half hours ago. Like, how did we get here? You know, it was pretty crazy. And then, um, and then you know, like the placentas needed to come out, and I didn't know at that point if they would be too individual or if they might have like fused together. And I did end up like after after a little bit, like I wasn't actively like feeling them or anything like that. And so, like, I kind of like put a little traction on one of the cords just to like see if it was like right there or whatever, and it wasn't. It's like I waited a minute and I did a little, and there was movement, and I was like, Oh, okay, cool. It's like kind of push a little, you know, because if you feel so much better when that's gone. Um, but because like I didn't, we didn't have a bowl, we didn't have anything to put it in. And so I was like, oh, Brie, there's this bowl on the shelf in our living, and I'm like telling her what to do. She goes and she gets this beautiful wooden bowl that we got as a wedding gift, and like we have never used it for anything. So first time broke it in with a couple placentas. She puts it in the water, like placentas, they came out. They actually they weren't fully fused together, but there was like membranes sort of holding them together a little bit, which is interesting. Um, and my daughter had a really short cord, it was also looped around like her whole body in a couple, like my husband, like while she was partially out, like unlooped a couple spots, I think. Um and her cord was short, like I could feel so like I didn't fully have her like all the way high up on my chest. I had her like lower a little bit because I could just kind of feel the tension over my belly and stuff. Like, oh, this is probably not gonna go a whole lot farther now. Um yeah, and we just like we just stayed in the tub and it was really nice and awesome. And we called to have to have the boys come over once the placentas were out. Um, my husband got out of the tub and I was in there. I was holding both babies for the first time, and like just like, oh my god. And um, and they didn't know that the babies were born. The boys didn't know I was in labor. Neither did my mother-in-law. Last she heard my water broke, but nothing was going on. So we called and we were like, my husband was like, Yeah, you want to like send the boys over? Because I had kind of wanted them to be there for the birth. I'm glad that they weren't though, because it was like rapid fire, it was a lot to handle, and no one was there to be able to like, I don't know, like referee them. So, like, because my husband was busy, obviously. So, so it really worked out, I think, just how it was meant to. And so, you know, he was so my mother-in-law, I think, was thinking that like birth was maybe close and we wanted them, but no, like they came in and like I'm in the tub and the and the babies are there, and they were just like, oh my god, it was like it was really cool, it was really cool, and then I was able to get out and like go into my own bed and like just all the things that I had wanted to do, and it worked out, and honestly feels a little bit like a miracle because like I said, like my daughter was not, she was not in any of the right ways, and that actually kind of was an emergency.

Angela: 1:11:06

For sure. If you had been in the hospital, they would have had you birthing in the OR, and then once they realized this baby B was breached, then you would have gotten immediate T suction.

Alannah: 1:11:15

Yeah, for sure. And if not, it would have been a quote unquote breach extraction, which like that term is so disturbing to me. Like, you don't extract a baby from a person's body. Stop saying that. Like, you don't need to reach in and pull a baby out by their legs. Like, what are you doing? That freaks me out. I don't know. So, so yeah, and honestly, even if I had had a midwife here who was like trained in breach, multiples, all that, like they would have done a maneuver too. They would have probably like kind of pushed her back in just a little to flip her over. So she was at least like facing down instead of up, and then maybe tried to loop an arm out or something to try to, you know, but uh, which honestly, like when I was learning about that during my pregnancy, I was like, that is the last thing I want. That sounds so disturbing to me. Like, I don't want that to happen. I just want to birth my babies, like, I don't want any of that. And then, of course, that's exactly what happened, except nobody was there to do that. So I ended up just like birthing your baby. Yeah, we just did it. And honestly, like she it wasn't like a super fast, like she was all twisted up and facing all the wrong way, whatever, and she came out really quickly and it was fine. It was like she actually was in there. I don't my babies are 16 minutes apart, but obviously that's accounting for time, like not even pushing, not doing any of that, just resting before things were happening again. So, so I don't know. I have a video, so like if I went and looked, I could kind of get a better feel for it. But um, but I mean it definitely was would like talking to Morgan about it after she was like, Yeah, that was kind of an emergency, yeah, because that's a long time, like with her arms up, facing up, being all whatever, for for her to kind of be in that position, you know, and and it's really just I think maybe it was just luck of the draw that like she was able to handle that, like, you know, because I'm sure some babies like some babies can handle a shoulder dystocia for lots of minutes, and other babies not so much, you know. So it's really it's like so such an individual thing for each baby, each each birth, and all of that. And so that's a little freaky to think about. Um, that you know, we did end up in that situation, but also like it was okay. And um, obviously, like so thank like I don't have regret for our decision, thankfully, which I don't know if something was different, maybe I would, but I don't. And so, like, I can't drive myself crazy doing that, you know, going through that whole the whole circular thinking in that way. So yeah, so I had all the things I had all I had the the twins and the breach and the the footling breach and the sunny side up footling breaches, it's like all the things that are like, oh no. So, but it was okay, and she's okay. Uh, they're both okay, and I'm okay. And it was like the best, it was it was the best. It really was. And then, like, you can't beat the postpartum care of like a home birth midwife. Like, you don't have to leave your house, you don't have to leave your bed, you stay there, and especially with two babies, like I could not imagine trying to schlep them around, you know, at a couple days old and whatever. And it was like, I just I treated my pregnancy like a regular old pregnancy, and I just prepared for my birth like a regular old birth with the knowledge that like there is gonna be a second birth right after the first one. Um and yeah, and it just it was okay, everything was okay, and it was just like it's just really wild. It's really wild to think that like that's how it all that I did it, that my husband and I did it, that we we had our babies at home, and like you just don't you don't know what's gonna happen until it's happening, and it was okay, and we're all fine, and it was beautiful, and yeah, like after all of that, I ended up getting the birth that I wanted, except Morgan wasn't there, but still.

Angela: 1:15:22

Oh, that's amazing. At least you were able to have her postpartum, though. When did you see her postpartum? Like, how soon?

Alannah: 1:15:29

Uh, like a day or two. I forget exactly, but yeah, she came up um periodically a few times. It wasn't even just like the one time. She slept all the way, all the way from southern Maine to come see me. And and she was just like a really cool, like, she's just so like not an alarmist about stuff, which I appreciate about her so much. So it was just really like, you know, she came, like, weighed the babies, checked on them, checked on me, chatted, and then it was like, okay, and just like moved on. And it was like, I was just so grateful that even though I was pregnant with twins, that I was not treated differently. You know, like I went to the hospital one time for an anatomy scan, and I like literally, so like they see that it's twins. I didn't tell them I had to, I just was like, nope, I'm just gonna pretend like I don't think I know what's going on. Um, and like I got there and we did it, whatever. And they were trying, they like they wanted to do a cervical exam. Like they wanted to walk across the hall and get the doctor and like see about, and I was like, wait, wait, what did you say? Like I didn't even like prop, I was like, what? And she was like, Yeah, because like twins, like da-da-da, and like something about what I don't even.

Angela: 1:16:49

I was like, Why would you do a cervical exam at 20 weeks, regardless in twins or no twins? Like that makes sense.

Alannah: 1:16:55

Thank you. I was like, Yeah, no, my cervix has done great every other pregnancy, so I'm all set. Thank you. Um, no, like your cervix and just be like, it's a good cervix, like what? I'm like, rest assured, guys, like it's done its job. Thank you. Like, I like what on I was literally like, go figure my one time in a hospital, and they're already trying to like get into my like body, like go away. And and then like at the end of it, they're like, Yeah, so like we're gonna probably be scheduling you for like you know, regular like growth scans, blah blah blah. And I was like, Oh, yeah, and I'm probably not gonna, no, I'm not doing that. So they probably were like, What on earth? Why are you even here? You know, because I'm like, Yeah, you're not doing that, and I'm definitely not doing that, and you're never gonna see me again. Bye. Because it just re- it just like solidified my decision to stay the hell away. If I'm like, I am fine, my babies are fine, everything is fine, there's nothing to worry about. I'm only 20 weeks, like, there's no cause for alarm, and you're well, you want to like check my cervix? Like, no, absolutely not. I didn't have one single cervical exam during my pregnancy. Thank you very much, you guys. Like, no thanks to you. So, yeah, it was very, very like no, no intervention at all because I stayed away. I was not about to let myself be labeled high risk. I was not about to be like pushed into giving birth in an OR or like having like things placed just in case I need an epidural or this or that. Like, I was just like, nope, like I don't want to do any of that. No way. And thank God. Thank God for all of it, honestly. Like even though we had the hiccups there a little bit, like it was okay. And so I'm just gonna take that and like that's good, it's good. We made the right decision for our family and it's fine. So yeah, so that was that.

Angela: 1:19:05

Oh my goodness, wow. I okay, so I just have a couple questions. Yeah. So when did you end up cutting the cords? Like, how long did that um so you had the placenta out and they were still both attached, both attached to it, right? Is that yep, yeah.

Alannah: 1:19:21

So we were in the water still, they were both still attached. The placentas were in the bowl, and we didn't cut them until they were over an hour old. I got up out of the tub, which was excruciating. I I was shocked. It was like in the back of my ribs, like my back was like, oh my, I like hobbled to the bed as fast as I could because not because I felt like I could like actively get there and it felt fine, but because I was like, it almost was like the wind was knocked out of my back. Like, I don't know, it was it was super unexpected, but I was like, I gotta get to the bed right now. Like hobbled to the bed, put like placentable, right, right by. Behind me, um, like the bait, like we all just got into the bed, and it was uh it was a while, well over an hour. The cords were well limp, well wiped, definitely it yeah. So, and like the boys were there, like my mother-in-law, my father-in-law were there, like it was like we're all on or near the bed, and my husband cut them just like he has every other time, and yeah, and it was really nice. We didn't nothing was rushed, it was really good.

Angela: 1:20:33

Just had that peaceful time, love it. Yeah, so now looking at the photos, which are incredible. There's a lot of blood. There's a lot of blood in the pool when you're like looking at it and you're like, oh geez, that's a lot of blood. Like a lot of blood. What were what were your thoughts? How was your postpartum like blood loss after that?

Alannah: 1:20:55

Um, well, so I knew like with twins, there's like a high likelihood of like more blood loss, probably. And like I said, like I had that moment like where I pushed and it was blood, and I was like, don't panic. It's okay. Like you're okay, it's fine, you know. Um, and I felt kind of like woozy with that, but like rallied and it was okay. Um and then definitely, like when I stood up and like kind of got back in bed, I could tell. Like I could, I could tell. Like it was a lot. It wasn't so much that it was like unsafe for me personally. That could have been different for someone else. But for me, like I was okay. I definitely like looking at myself in the mirror, I could see my hands, like I looked really pale. So I definitely like immediately was like taking all the iron, like the it was uh like grass-fed beef liver supplements. I was like popping those like crazy, um, and just trying to eat, stay hydrated, and just rest. Like I felt it was like just like initially I could feel that. Um, but then it was most just looking at myself. I was like, oh, you don't look so good. But I felt okay. So it was definitely a lot. And I and I I recognized that in the pool. I was like, this is very red. But also water, I don't know. I feel like when like blood mixes with water, it also it can look a lot worse than it really actually is. So I wasn't like freaked out about it, other than that, like initial, like, whoa, a lot of blood just came out of me. But then after that, it was it was okay.

Angela: 1:22:29

So yeah, yeah, yeah. There's definitely can be more blood loss with twins. And like you said, it's so individualized, like that amount that somebody else lost might have made them feel like really bad, but like you felt okay, and like that's what's most important. Like, are you like interacting with your baby still? Are you like, you know, with it? And yeah, yeah, yeah.

Alannah: 1:22:48

And like uh Cam and Brie, like right away, like they got me like a granola bar, like a cheese. Like they're like, even there might even be a picture of like one of my boys like holding like a cheese stick in front of my face so I can like bite it. Like, people are just trying to like offer me bits of like electrolytes, water, like protein drink, cheese stick, like little bits of things to like just try to just get little bits into me. And then it was really not long after that. Like I had stuff in the freezer, and like my mother-in-law, um, we had her heat up some soup. So I had, and it was like so good because like my whole pregnancy, like I was just miserable. Food was gross, threw up lots of times, all that, but it was like the best soup to finally be like, Yes, uh, I feel better now. Soup. So that was really nice to just like be sitting in my bed, my bowl of soup, my babies, like my family's there. It was just it was good. Yeah, it was really good.

Angela: 1:23:45

Yeah, nothing better than a nice warm bowl of postpartum soup.

Alannah: 1:23:49

Truly, truly. So, yeah, so it was is it's wild. It is wild to like think back to all of that and just be like, oh, okay, we did that. And now I'm like, I can never move from this house because my babies were born in this house. I have too much sentimental attachment.

Angela: 1:24:07

You're there forever. Literally, though. Yeah, awesome. Oh my gosh. So how has breastfeeding been going?

Alannah: 1:24:15

Oh my goodness. It is seven full-time jobs all all at once. It's a lot. Um, my son, he really like he latched on. Like, there's pictures of him. Like, I don't even think I had gotten, I hadn't even given birth to to baby two yet. And he's like mouth wide open, like, mom. I'm like, bro, I can't do this right now. Like, I got stuff to do. He's and he's still like that. So he latched on great, super, like, no pain. I was so glad. It was really like pretty smooth with him. Um, my daughter, not so much. She was also a smaller twin. And so she was just like, she was six and a half pounds. Like all of my like my three older boys were all like eight and a half plus pounds. So she was like, this tiny little nugget. And so she had like the tiniest little mouth. And it was just a lot. It was, it was painful for I don't know, maybe a week or so with her. And but then, like, kind of just like it's like she like grew into her ability to like, I don't know, like her mouth got bigger, she could just manage it better. I don't know. And then I mean, like logistically tricky because I mean, like, newborns are like little limp noodles, so they're just like oh floppy everywhere, and like milk and then whatever, and like trying to like they're learning to eat and like I'm learning to feed them, even though I had breastfed before, like every baby's different and every journey is different, and so there was stress, there was stress. Um, but we we've like just been trucking, still breastfeeding them. They only in the last like week have they ever had a bottle, and only like I think like just a couple, really, and it didn't even go well at first. And I was like, Okay, but it's really only because like the I'm up, like we're up like 10 times a night, still like literally. And so like waking up at different times, yeah, waking up at different times, but also sometimes the same time, and then like I don't always fall back asleep right away, or then like one of them is like having a hard time going back to sleep, and like what and it's it's a lot. It like nighttime is really hard, it's really hard, um, still at approaching nine months. So we are still in the trenches with that, but yeah, so like we've just like given a bottle to to one of them like just a couple of times, just to like maybe hopefully give me like the slightest little bit of a break, eat like you know, but but yeah, I'm I'm exclusively breastfeeding them, so I can with them all the time. Um, they're probably starving right now because you know, this is like they go. I I mean, I'm probably breastfeeding them like easily, like 20 times each, like throughout the course of like the day. Like it's a lot, but it's going well. I mean, like they latch great. Like I had I did have mastitis once, but other than that, like it's been pretty smooth once we got over like those couple of humps, and I'm so grateful for that. So it's a lot of work. I'm exhausted, I'm touched out, and it's it's just like it can be really overwhelming, but I also feel really grateful, like super grateful and really proud. So yeah.

Angela: 1:27:39

Wow. Oh my gosh. Well, that photo that Brie took of you, tandem nursing that just got published in a book, like beautiful.

Alannah: 1:27:49

Thank you. There's a few, like she came a week postpartum, she got some pictures of us, and like, yeah, it's so wild to look back at that and be like, you guys were so tiny, and like, yeah, it's it's crazy. And like to think that that's in a book is like so cool. I'm like, cool for Brie, like her photo is in a book, and her name is in a book, and like I have a copy of it. They sent me a copy, which is like extra special. So, like, and it's all in Swedish, so I have no idea what any of it says, but there's a picture of me and my babies in it, which is really cool. So yeah, it's really special. Yeah, I don't tandem nurse them as much anymore because like they're bigger and like poke each other's eyes and pull each other's hair, and you know, all that, and it's just a little bit, a little bit more awkward. So it's usually individual these days, but but yeah, it's a lot, but it's it's really cool, yeah. And they're cool and they're cute.

Angela: 1:28:49

So now you're a girl mom. Like after all of these boys, you're the baby was a girl.

Alannah: 1:28:57

I know I I could, I was like convinced, like, oh, twins? Okay, well, they're both boys, obviously, you know, like there's no way. And then at the anatomy scan, we found out, like, okay, baby A is a boy. Like, I could see, like, I've seen that lots of times. Like, I know that that's a boy. And then we get to girl, and I was like, oh, like, wait, I think what I normally see is not there the same way, you know. And then I was like, wait, is that a girl? And they were like, Yeah, and we were both like, oh my god, like, of course, baby B, the youngest, is gonna be the girl, you know. So, yes, Ruby Joy, she's a little, she's a little troublemaker, sweetie, adorable, melts everybody. So, yeah, it's pretty wild. I still like saying daughter to me still sounds super, super unfamiliar. It's funny, but yeah, it's really cool. I feel very, very lucky. Four boys and a girl. I never would have thought.

Angela: 1:29:57

That's awesome. So now, as a final question, if you were to give advice to someone who's expecting or even new parents, what's one of the biggest things that you'd want to share at this point in your journey?

Alannah: 1:30:11

Oh, like everything. Um, I mean, like go in, go inward and and really question question the norm, really. Like kind of like go in and like what why do we do that? Why do they do that? Like what like what what is the root of all of this? And like really like because like we have an intuition, like we have that, and it's so important to listen to it, you know? Like if you have doubt, if you have whatever, like question that, like look into that, feel that. And I mean, really just remember that like you get one shot to birth that baby, and it's gonna stick with you whether you like it or not, for the rest of your life and for the rest of your baby's life. And that is that is their entrance into the world from outside of your body, like those are their first moments. And so to really think on that, you know, like what is what is that gonna look like for you? And and especially twins, like big time, especially with twins. Like, I think for that, I I definitely want to say, like, it doesn't have to be an emergency. It just it doesn't, and and I I speak as a die die twin mom. Like I know that not all twins are the same, so but just as a die die twin mom, I would say like it doesn't have to be an emergency. Not everything is a is a problem, and there's not a problem until there's a problem, and there might not be one. So, you know, yeah, just kind of don't operate under the assumption that something's gonna go wrong. Yeah. So I'm like, that's not one thing. Sorry, that's a few things.

Angela: 1:32:05

No, no, that's perfect. And you know, it's nice to think, you know, what would happen if everything went perfectly instead of, oh no, all of these things could happen, you know, like to have that on both sides of it, you know.

Alannah: 1:32:15

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I really shut it all out. Like, I didn't, I I mean, like I'm in this die dye twin mom group right now, and I thought about leaving it a hundred times and then I never do. And I'm so glad that I wasn't in it when I was pregnant because it's just medicalized and this, and I have to do this. My doctor says I have to do that. Like my doctor's gonna do a breach extraction, like they're willing to do that, and blah, and just like all of this stuff that I'm like, oh my God, it doesn't have to be like that. Like, I get sometimes like things don't go smoothly, and things are, you know, like something's like going on with the babies or something's going on with you. Like, I know that that's that can happen, of course. That doesn't mean that it's going to happen. That doesn't mean that that is the norm. That's just what we see and what we hear. So to just yeah, question all of that for sure. Yes, ask all the questions. Yes, yes.

Angela: 1:33:10

So before we wrap up, would you just share one more time like how people can get a hold of you? Like maybe your website.

Alannah: 1:33:17

Yeah. So again, I'm Alana Finn. That's my name. Um, I operate birthbody photography. That's me. So if you ever see my stuff, um, that's that's like how you can find me on Instagram and on Facebook. Um, and then my website is birthbodyphotography.com. I am not right now. Like if if someone were to call me next week to book a birth, like for right now, I would probably say I've had to turn away births, and it's literally the saddest, the saddest. I hate it. Makes me so upset. I have FOMO. I want to be at all of them. But I'm hoping that kind of like once the babies are over one, that I'll be able to kind of. I just imagine that like once they're a year old, that I might be able to like come up for air a little bit and be able to kind of function again, sort of. Um, so I'm not actively booking births unless they're kind of like way of future births. Uh, but I am definitely like willing to talk about like pregnancy sessions and like postpartum sessions and that sort of thing. So so yeah, but I love if people follow along, anyways on Facebook and Instagram. I'm not as active on there as I used to be because I'm literally just breastfeeding all day, every day.

Angela: 1:34:35

So well, I'm sure you'll be back one day for sure.

Alannah: 1:34:39

I will, I will, and thank you for being there in the meantime.

Angela: 1:34:43

Yes, of course. Awesome. Well, thank you so much, Alana, for taking all of the time today to chat with me and share your amazing stories.

Alannah: 1:34:52

Yeah, thank you. Thank you for taking the time. I just talked your ear off. I appreciate you listening and and for just yeah, holding space for for all of them. Because I know that five births all in this time was a lot to hear about. So so thank you. I seriously really appreciate it a lot. Thank you.

Angela: 1:35:10

Before you go, I just want to remind you, I have a ton of resources for pregnancy and birth. If you're pregnant, whether you're a first-time mom or if this is your fifth baby, I want you to check out the show notes because I have some free trainings and free downloads that you can sign up for, as well as the link to access my labor of love, a comprehensive, self-paced online childbirth education course. I created this course specifically for moms who don't want to be told what to do, regardless of where your birthday or who your birthday is. And I'd honestly love to teach you everything that I know so that you can prepare for an autonomous birth experience and prepare to step into your role as the leader of your birth journey. So click those show notes, check out all of those links, and if you ever have any questions, feel free to DM me at my main birth over on Instagram.